Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your letters before I even started high school and I am now in my 20s. The guy I am in love with is twice my age but we never let that bother us. He is a very smart man. He is in a good job and has kids. Two are living overseas and the other is in Jamaica.

This man and I have been together for almost two years. He is kind to me and he takes me everywhere with him. The problem is that he lives with his babymother. Their son is three years old. When we met he told me about her but said they weren't sexually involved and that they were only living together for the sake of the child. I believed him for various reasons. This man sleeps at my house night after night. We spend weekends together and he answers his phone whenever I call. We text each other whenever we weren't talking on the phone.

He made a few hints but never seriously spoke about leaving the house where he lives. Whenever the subject comes up he says he is at the house for the sake of his son. He has to take him to most of the places he goes or she would call him and say that he should come and stay with his son.

Pastor, I have fallen for this man but I don't know if there is a future for us since he is living with her. I am not comfortable with this situation. If there is a problem such as the child being sick, he calls me. The child cries because he does not want to stay with his mother.

Please tell me what to do. I work but I live with my mother and I am trying to save as much as I can. Sometimes when he comes over to see me, she grumbles. I need your advice.

Confused

Dear Confused,

I must ask you, what reason can you give me for having this intimate relationship with this man? I believe I know the answer to my question. It is money. You said that he is kind. You also said in your letter that you are trying to save as much as you can. Yes, it is money that you need from him.

He is much older than you are and he has a child with the woman with whom he is living. He might spend some nights at your house but that doesn't mean that the relationship he is having with the woman does not mean anything to him. She might be hanging on to him also because he is taking care of her and paying the bills.

He has told you nonsense why he is still living with his child's mother and it is amazing that you believe him. You are not behaving as an intelligent person. On the other hand, you might see the fact staring in your face but you refuse to believe that he is lying. You are not only naive, you are brainless.

Why can't you see that this man is fooling you? Get out of this relationship, and do so right away.

Pastor