Dear Pastor,

I have always enjoyed reading your column. I am 26 and extremely confused. I am about six months fresh out of a relationship with someone I have known since I was a teenager. He was my first love. We were on and off until I told him I couldn't deal with the relationship anymore. We had too many issues and counselling did not work. I broke it off even though he begged me not to.

A few months after, I met someone else and I am scared it is going to end the same way. I am ready to start a family, not necessarily with him. I have completed my studies and have a stable career, so I want a family. I told my new partner, but his reaction was what I expected, unfavourable. It is a new relationship after all. I am scared I'm going to be an old, lonely and childless woman who only has her job and a house to go home to.

Please help me to get some sort of order to my personal life.

Confused

Dear Confused,

You need not fret about the future. Perhaps you stayed in your first relationship too long. The guy was a joker, but I am sure you were hoping he would change and settle down. You were reluctant to leave him because, as you put it, he was your first love.

This guy with whom you are now having a relationship does not know you enough and you should give the relationship time to grow and for you to get to know each other well. You are anxious to settle down, but you should be careful not to push this new man. Trying to push into commitment might, instead, push him away. Go out on dates with him. Get to know his relatives, too. Make sure you do not allow him to use you.

Do not lend him money unless you are certain he will repay you. Even when you are certain, tell him to borrow from the bank. Some men like to associate themselves with women who are educated and in good jobs. Men prey on women like you, so be careful what you do.

Take time to read your Bible. Go to church. Dedicate your life to God. God knows your needs and He will direct your path.

Pastor