I am a regular reader of your column and I have noted that you've helped many people. I am 60 and living with a man who is 63. Three years ago, I became a Christian. I was always going to church but wouldn't call myself a Christian because I was sleeping with this man. We are not married. Every time I talked to him about marriage he said it would only cause us to break up. he claims marriage does that to couples.

Since I became a Christian, I moved out of the room and refused to have sex with him. The first week, he forced me into it and I yielded. I told him he is not going to get anymore sex unless we get married. He is a man who loves his sex, but I don't joke. When I say no, it's no.

Pastor, though we are not married and not having sex, I am wondering if I should get baptised. Many people don't know we aren't married because we've been living in the district for a long time.

Do you think that I can get baptised? I cannot move out of this house because my money is invested in it and my name is on the title. I don't have children to help me. I cook and wash for this man. I do everything for him except give him sex. He gives me money every week. If I say I am not feeling well, he sends me to the doctor. If I go out and it gets late, he calls to check up on me. I have nothing bad to say about him.

Sometimes he talks as if he has a girlfriend but he says it jokingly. That doesn't bother me, because he has his needs and he is a man. I can control myself, but I am asking you again. Do you think I can get baptised? I am anxious to hear your response.

T.T.

Dear T.T.,

Some men are afraid to get married and they make all sorts of excuses. You've been in a relationship with this man for years, and have living together in common-law. You have done everything together until three years ago when you pulled the 'shutters down', so to speak. You moved out of the room to show him that you seriously wanted to serve the Lord but, even then, he would not agree to marry you.

He should be congratulated for treating you well though you refuse to have sex with him. Some men would punish you and abuse you for not consenting to sex.

You are a very wise woman. You take care of him in every way and he takes care of you. He is not stopping you from going to church and serving the Lord. I see no reason why you should not be baptised. The next baptism, be one of the candidates. Perhaps the day will come when this man will change his mind and marry you, but do not wait any longer to obey the Lord in baptism.

Pastor