Yow, mi feel dizzy. This earth yah look like it a turn too fast and I just feel fi jump off before it crash. Mi nah lie! Is just the knowledge that some jumps can take one from frying pan to fire, and the fear that I might jump off the ride only to end up inna one deep, deep precipice and bruck all wha' mi nuh have, is that keeping me from jumping.

Yeah, my Auntie Becca used to always tell me, before she pass on, that coward man keep sound bone. But this world a move too crazy, star! Look yah nuh man, from all corners of the world, crazy news a jook mi inna mi eye and buck mi inna mi forehead.

total nakedness

Here's just a 'toops' of a sample: A brilliant female footballer in Equatorial Guinea has had to basically strip down to total nakedness in front of sporting officials and show them that she has a real-real vagina. Why? Because she plays the game so well people accuse her of being a man. Something can go so? If having a penis is so intricately tied to football-playing skills I should have been a Manning Cup star at Excelsior, but poor me, even though I played with three feet inna my yard, I couldn't even make my class team for the inter-form competition!

And over in the great UK, a five-year-old boy missed his classmate's birthday party and his parents got a 'no show' invoice for about £16 and the threat of being slapped with legal action if the money is not promptly paid.

Then, in Florida, USA, an 'explosive' international incident is brewing at the 63rd Miss Universe Pageant with Lebanese officials launching a formal investigation into a 'scandal'. And what's the scandal? Two contestants have been photographed together. Yeah peeps, according to an online report I read, "a seemingly innocuous selfie at the pageant in Miami has sparked criticism in Lebanon because it featured a smiling Miss Lebanon alongside Miss Israel".

Apparently, the Israeli beauty, Doron Matalon, posted a picture of herself with other contestants, including Miss Lebanon, on her Instagram account, and the Lebanese beauty now has to be explaining that she never intended to take any picture with the Israeli lady, but she was "photo-bombed". All I can say is, given the relationship between those two nations, photo-bomb is not an ideal term to use.

And, in Jamaica land we love, where leaders are amazingly adept at doing less with more money, we are spending over two hundred million dollars on a commission of inquiry, and as to what benefit will accrue, all I can say is, let's wait and see.

colossal waste

What a colossal waste of our money! As Miss Kitty said in her STAR column on Monday: "Some lawyer a get more than $50 million, some more than $40 million and the handsome lawyer man, who is the chair, mi hear seh him a get US$370 per hour! Dem money deh no include other miscellaneous costs and fees and hotel and transport and food and all these tings, fi a country weh a bawl everyday seh we no have it!" Hear mi nuh man, one stop driver! This ride too tough and the road too rough yah, and me ready fi jump off long time.

Fi real, folks. I feel like this world is an old jalopy of a vehicle driving way too fast in dangerously slippery conditions along the old Mount Rosser main road, and with no brakes. But wha' we a go do? Gwaan laugh or jump off? Is years wi a tek kinteet kibba heart bun. Wi accustomed to just dancing off the pain and singing out fi di fun. Wi may as well just keep doing that till the story done. Till then, Jack Mandorah mi nuh choose none!

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