Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I came to know my father one year ago. My mother and my step-father had an argument over me because my brother, who is my mother's first child, doesn't live with us and he broke the news to me.

One day, I went to visit him and he called my mother and told her that he wants me to stay over. In the night, when his wife went to bed, he asked me if my mother had ever talked to me about my real father. I told him I don't understand what he meant. He told me the name of my father. I started to cry, and when I went home I told my mother what my brother said; she called him and cursed him. That caused lots of tension in the house and caused my father, who is really my step-father, and my mother to have an argument over me.

Every time I see my father on the road, he looks at me but he doesn't say anything to me and I don't say anything to him. I still call my stepfather 'Daddy'. I don't have any kind of relationship with my real father. My mother told me that I shouldn't have anything to do with him. My brother told me that I should talk to him. He suggested that I could call him on his birthday, at Christmas and New Year's holiday.

Sometimes I think that I shouldn't have asked my mother about what I heard, but it happened already. What should I do now?

A.H.

Dear A.H.,

Don't hold any hard feelings against your mother. She has not told you why she withheld the information about your biological father from you. She has done her very best as a mother and your stepfather has taken you as his daughter and has treated you well. Perhaps your mother would have told you the truth about your daddy at a convenient time. Why she withheld that information was known only to herself.

Evidently, your brother knew the truth and perhaps felt that it is unwise for you to become an adult without knowing who is your biological dad. I am not prepared to condemn him, neither am I prepared to criticise your mother for withholding the information from you.

Whenever you feel comfortable in speaking to your biological father, you may do so. But please do not say or do anything that would embarrass your mother, or give your stepfather the impression that you are ungrateful to him.

Pastor