Dear Pastor,

I need your advice. I am 55 years old. I have never been married but I have had my flings. I have my own house. My parents had two of us children. My brother and I were sent abroad to study. My brother married an American and decided to stay there. She is a wonderful woman. I came back to Jamaica and lived with my parents until I bought my own home. My father died five years ago. My mother is still alive. She is not only my mother but my confidant.

I have had a couple guys in my life. I thought I would have married one of them, but while I was having a relationship with him, he was making passes at one of my cousins.

she told me, so I told him not to come back to see me. He said he was only joking but I told him that I don't tolerate those kinds of jokes. He said I am spoiled. I regret not being able to give my parents grandchildren, but I am happy. I do a lot of work for my church.

dying inside

Here is my problem, pastor. There is a young man who does errands for me. I have been helping him to go back to school. This young man could be my son. I find myself loving this young man but he does not know how I feel about him. I buy him clothes and shoes and other gifts, but I have never told him that I love him.

The only place he has been in my house is the living room but I am dying inside for this young man. He told me he has a girlfriend but I don't know her. I don't know what to do. I have not told anyone how I feel about this young man.

My mother said to me one day that she observed that I care for this young man and I said yes, but nothing more. Should I encourage this young man and tell him that I love him? How can a 55-year-old woman tell a young guy, who is in his 20s, that she loves him? I do not need anything from him.

Pastor, do I sound like a cougar to you? I am feeling that way.

C.G.

Dear C.G.,

What would be your purpose in becoming intimate with this young man? Is it that at the age of 55 you feel so sexy and you want to have sex? If you are feeling the need for sex, is it so difficult for you to find a man who is closer to your age and to establish a relationship with him, get married and have the both of you meet each other sexual needs?

The truth is, I am sorry for this young man. I am sure he appreciates the gifts that you give him, but he doesn't know that you are setting a trap for him. He said he has his girlfriend, why can't you leave him alone? You give the impression that you don't really need an older man. Is that the reason why you ask whether I consider you to be a cougar?

Don't be angry with me but I must tell you the truth. Leave this young man alone. Whenever he works for you, pay him but don't try to inveigle him because you have in mind for both of you to become lovers.

Pastor