Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a long time and I want to commend you for the wonderful work that you are doing. You are a great help to the majority of people in Jamaica. Everywhere I go, your name is called as someone who is helpful and straightforward. Keep up the good work.

I am having a man problem. I say a man problem because some of my friends are having the same problem, too. They may not talk it openly but when we meet as men we discuss these problems. Pastor, I am 20 years older than my wife. She is 40 and I am 60. We are having sex but my erection is not as strong as it used to be. I am concerned because I wouldn't want my wife to cheat, and at the same time I am unable to please her in bed as I used to do. I commend her for being good to me but I know she is only pretending when she says she is all right. It is bothering me.

tablets didn't work

Why, at the age of 60, am I struggling to have a strong erection when some men do not have this problem? I went to the doctor and he gave me tablets, but the tablets didn't work. My wife is a sexy-looking woman. Any man would go for her. She has shown me that she would not cheat but, sir, I would like to hear from you what you would suggest that I take to give my sex life a boost.

Sometimes I think that if I didn't have this house and living comfortably my wife would leave me. It is that bad, but she knows what I have put away for pension and for herself, so maybe she would think twice before leaving me.

Sometimes when she is gone abroad, I fret and I call her twice a day. One night she said to me, "You don't have to call me twice a day. I am not giving away what I have to anybody. It is yours, so don't worry." I felt so bad. I could only tell her thanks for the assurance.

So, pastor, please give me your advice and thanks for reading my letter. I remain your loyal reader.

O.S.

Dear O.S.,

When a man is not in a position to satisfy his wife sexually he frets, especially if his wife is much younger than himself. He is always wondering whether she will cheat and he constantly asks his woman whether she is cheating and to reassure him that she would not do anything that would embarrass him. I have said the above to assure you that you are not alone in wondering how your wife would react. Would she go to another man or remain loyal to you? Now, your wife knows that you did not always have erectile problems. Perhaps there was a time when you were capable of having sex, two, three times in one day, now you are unable to do that. There was a time when you did not have to keep close to your doctor, but now, because of your age, you have to do so.

There are many factors that can affect a man to suffer from erectile problems. "A normal penile erection is the result of complex interactions between the psyche, the central and peripheral nervous systems, hormones, blood vessels and smooth muscles of the penis. A disruption at one or more of these levels may lead to erectile problems. Outside factors such as smoking, obesity, drug and alcohol use or prescription medications may also cause erectile dysfunction."

What I would suggest that you do is to see a neurologist and to follow his/her advice. Remember, the more you fret about not being able to have a strong erection and to satisfy your spouse, the more your condition will worsen. It seems to me that you have a very cooperative wife who is prepared to work with you. Don't doubt what she tells you, believe her. There are going to be good days and bad days. Make sure you enjoy the good days. I wish you well.

Pastor