I am a regular reader of your column and I would like to tell you what is going on in my life. I am 31 years old and my husband is working in the United States. We do not have children together but he has three and I have one of them with me. The boy is seven years old. My husband asked me to take him because his mother wasn't spending enough time with him and the money he was sending to her wasn't being spent on the boy, so I took him. He is well behaved and he is also my little company. His teachers love him.

My problem is that my husband does not come home often so I became entangled with one of my male friends. The last time my husband came he wasn’t able to spend more than a week and we only had sex once because he brought my period down and by the time my period was about to stop, he had to go.

This man and I have fallen in love. The relation started innocently. He was only trying to help me out because my husband is away. He knew it, and I knew it. But from the first time we had sex, I knew he was special. He is good in love making. He has stamina. I kept up with him because I was not having sex often.

I never used the condom because he didn't like it. I took the emergency contraceptive, but twice I forgot to do so. Now I am pregnant and I can't call the man's name because my husband knows him and trusts him and whenever my husband is in Jamaica they play dominoes together. But trust me, Pastor, it was only need why I had sex with this man and the needs turned into love. accept the child

Although I don't have children I can't keep this child. And if I throw the pregnancy away it would be sin upon sin. I have spoken to the man about it and he said according to his faith he can't encourage me to throw away the baby, but he knows that I can't call his name. Hear this Pastor, he said he would talk to one of his brothers and his brother would accept the child as his own and I could register the child in his brother's name. But how would I deal with my husband? I can't leave my husband. He is everything to me. Right now I am not working and I depend on my husband for everything. I don't get money from the man who got me pregnant. It is just sex to satisfy my needs. Night and day I can't rest or sleep and if I don't get rid of this belly it is going to start to show.

A girlfriend came to stay with me and when she looked at me in my panty alone, she asked me how my belly looked that way. I had to tell her nothing was wrong with me and quickly put on a big blouse.

Do you think the idea of having his brother claim the child is a good idea? Do you believe my husband would forgive me? I am so confused. I don't know what to do. If I keep the child, my marriage is finished. We have our own home, but I know my husband would kick me out because I promised that I would never cheat on him. Please, help me.

J.T

Dear J.T.,

I cannot encourage you to deceive your husband. You promised to be faithful to him and you have not kept your promise. You should have been much more careful. You should not have encouraged another man to become sexually involved with you. I believe that it has been difficult for you not having your husband around. It would have been better for you to ask your husband to visit you sometimes on weekends. It would have been costly but at least a part of your sexual needs would have been met. And of course, there are other ways that a person can satisfy him/herself without breaking his/her marriage vows. I know not everybody would agree, but it is a fact. Frankly, madam, I cannot encourage you to have an abortion, neither can I encourage you to deceive your husband. What you and this man have done was wrong and everything carries consequences. What he is suggesting for you to do would not help your situation. If you were to carry the pregnancy and say who is the biological father this man might deny that he is responsible because he wants to save the friendship he has with your husband. I am more inclined for you to tell your husband that you have made a terrible mistake by being unfaithful and beg him to forgive you and ask him to accept the child as his own. You believe he may kick you out but he might not considering that he has been away for a long time and you felt the need for a man.

You have asked for my suggestions and I have given them as I see fit. I am not here to condemn you. I wish you well.

Pastor