My husband and i are not getting along

Dear Pastor,

I am faced with a problem. I hope you can help me. I am a married woman for three years. In February it will be four years. I got pregnant once and lost the baby. My husband and I get along well. Every now and then we have an argument over politics. He belongs to one side and I am on the other side. Sometimes the arguments get heated but that's between us, and everybody knows that he is supporting one party and I the other. We have our bell and we have our broom. We shout, 'power', and we shout, 'shower'.

But now a woman has come between us. She is the daughter of our neighbour. This girl is only 18 years old. I was watching my husband's movements and I talked to him about the girl and he told me my mind was running away with me. My husband does security work and one night when he should be home early, he was late. I took the lights off and kept looking out. I saw him go to the neighbour's house. After about 15 minutes I went over there and looked through the back room where the girl slept and saw her riding my husband. I called to her and she jumped off him and my husband begged me not to create a scene.

This little girl used to come to my house when we just got married and I used to give her food. Now she is trying to take away my husband. I ordered him out, and when he came home I beat him and he never said a word.

Pastor, tell me what to do with this man. Should I leave him or stay with him? He was not even using a condom.

O.D.

Dear O.D.,

You said that your husband is a good man. Sometimes good men do wrong things and this is one of the foolish things that your husband has done. This is an 18-year-old girl with whom he has got sexually involved and he was not even using a condom during the act. He could have got her pregnant or picked up a venereal disease and pass it on to you. You gave yourself satisfaction by giving him a beating and he didn't retaliate. I suppose he knew that if he had retaliated he could either have got himself into trouble or the whole neighbourhood would hear.

I don't think it is wise for you to consider leaving this man. I know some would not agree with me. It would be different if he continues to go to bed with her. What I suggest is that both of you should go and see a family counsellor as soon as possible. Your husband ought to understand that he is destroying his marriage by having an extramarital affair.

Pastor