I hope you are well. Keep up the good work. I am a young woman in my 20s and I have been with my boyfriend for two years and five months. He is in his mid-30s. We have been arguing a lot and he is always accusing me of having a another boyfriend, because most of my friends are male.

He doesn't even want me to have females friends either, because he said that they will influence me to date other men.

He has even accused me of liking one of his nephews. That accusation is not true because I dislike his family, and would never be with any of them.

He doesn't like when I go anywhere on my own or even to stay at my mother's house for long periods, because he thinks I am cheating.

I have been living with him for over a year now. I don't believe that he is really serious in marrying me. He keeps saying that when he gets money he will. Last year, when we both had jobs, we talked about doing a private wedding that would be affordable for us. Until now, he has not shown any interest in doing so.

Sometimes when he speaks to me, he raises his voice. When I talk to him about it, he gets upset and then we start to argue. He doesn't like when I put on make-up or do my hair, even if I'm not going out. He asks me why do I fix up myself when I'm not going out. One time, we had an argument and he almost hit me because I wouldn't stop texting my friends. Since then, I thought of leaving the house because I knew that I will not allow myself to be physically abused by any man. There is a lot more to this story, but another time.

Once, when I said I would leave him if he doesn't change, he said he would hang himself. He even went to get the wire to do so. I told him that he needs to get counselling.

Pastor, I would like your help on what to do. Should I leave this man?

S.

Dear S,

You are having a relationship with a sick man. Any man who is so paranoid and believes that he can watch his girlfriend should not have a relationship with a woman at all. Although he is in his 30s, he is naïve and immature.

I have observed that you have done some wrong things. You know that this man is overly jealous and yet you continue to send text messages to other men in his presence. You have declared that you do not love his family members, but at the same time, you wish to get married to him. That does not make any sense at all.

When two people get married they become a part of each other's family. So, if you don't love his family and this man is behaving like a fool, you are with the wrong man. It is time for you to move on. You give the impression that you would stand up to any man. I agree that you should not allow a man to physically abuse you, but you should not behave as if you can say anything and do anything to a man.

A man may lose control and hurt you. So don't push your luck, in a matter of speaking. Leave this man. This is my suggestion. Do so immediately.

Pastor