I have a problem. I live with my child's father. He is 42 and I am 21. We've had a relationship for the past two years. He is a taxi operator. I think he is having an affair with younger women. He comes home early at nights and he texts before going to bed. I remember I had his phone one night when a girl sent him a message. When I asked about it, he said I am searching his phone.

Pastor, I feel insecure. I don't feel loved by him anymore. I try to make our relationship interesting and I always try new things. I even started performing oral sex, just to keep the spice in our relationship. I do not trust him anymore. He is not as romantic as he was before. He gets angry at everything I say or do.

I have even mentioned getting married to him. He refused to give me an answer. I give myself all the blame for everything that is happening. I suppose I am the only one who wants this relationship to work. I am tired of crying at nights. Pastor, please tell me what to do.

Unknown

Dear Unknown,

You are assuming that this man is having affairs with younger women, but you are half his age. If he is having affairs with younger women, he is probably going out with teenagers. However, you have no proof so you should stop accusing him of doing so. On the other hand, you might have good reason for accusing him because when you became involved with him, you were likely in your teens. You know your man and what he is capable of doing.

You are anxious for this man to marry you and to commit himself to you completely but he is not prepared to do so. Though he is 42, he is not interested in settling down.

I am wondering what type of education you have. I believe that instead of tying yourself down with marriage to this man, you should try going back to school.

Unfortunately, you believe that sex would keep the relationship you have with this man, so you are trying to do different things to spice it up. To keep a relationship going, there needs to be much more than oral sex. I suppose this man finds getting oral sex from you fun, but it wouldn't make him stay, because he can get that from other women.

Genuine love and total commitment to each other keep a relationship going. Right now, that is lacking in your relationship so you are tired of him. You don't love him as before and yet you have sex with him in all kinds of ways.

You can test this relationship by asking this man to go with you to see a family counsellor. I don't believe he will be willing to go. He's likely to say he doesn't need to see a counsellor. Tell him that you need a counsellor and you're asking him to accompany you. I wish you well.

Pastor