Dear Pastor,

I fell in love with a girl but I am nearly twice her age. I am 35 and she is 19. When I met her she was seventeen and living with her friend's grandmother. She was not attending school. She was a prostitute and was friendly with a man who was still involved with his children's mothers. When she was nine, her father died in a gun altercation.

Her mother is thirty-five and is very irresponsible. She has children for five men. She is on drugs. She lost custody of all her children and was also a prostitute. When I first saw this girl, I wanted to save her from the fast and dangerous life she was living. She was having problems where she was living, so after five months of dating her, she moved in with me. I found out that she was still seeing her ex-boyfriend secretly, so I put her out of my house. She was eighteen at the time.

Later on we reconciled. An illegal situation occurred at my house and I was arrested. I moved into her mother's house until my court trial. While I was living at her mother's place, I helped out with the bills and provided for my girlfriend, but she continued to see the other man. She finally put me out of her mother's house, but we made up again.

I got her pregnant but she had a miscarriage. At one point, she left me for another man but she came back to me. She has cheated on me with five men for money. I cheated on her as a way to get back at her. At one time, we had an argument about her cheating and she cut me in the face with a pair of scissors, so I had her arrested.

I have found it difficult to move on from this girl. I never wanted her to be a prostitute. She got a job in a strip club while I was serving my prison sentence. She got pregnant for another man. She even gave me an STI. She wants me to forgive her. She has promised never to cheat on me again. She claims she has no interest in her baby's father. I still love her and I believe she loves me. I'm hoping that her bad behaviour was just a phase she was going through.

I will be released from prison in eight weeks and she wants me to go back to her. She also wants me to return to her mother's house until we get a place of our own.

T

Dear T,

You have blamed this woman for a lot of things but claim you are only guilty of an illegal activity which happened at your home. This illegal activity caused you to be arrested.

I think you should admit that you did not offer stability to help this young woman. You accused her of selling her body and then you attacked her and criticised her mother. Eventually, you found yourself living with the young lady in her mother's home. So how could you now present yourself as 'Mr Streaky Clean'? You have to be joking.

This young woman needs lots of help but you can't help her because you are condemning her in every way; and you need help yourself.

When you get released from prison, I suggest you don't go back to live with this girl and her mother. Perhaps you should consider going to live with a relative and seek the help of a family counsellor.

You may suggest that the young lady do that too, but you should not go together, or even seek counselling as lovers.

Please bear in mind that this young woman is now a mother and she will always have to communicate with the child's father, intimate or not, for the good of the child. I also suggest you get a job as soon as you are released. Leave this woman alone.

Pastor