Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old Christian. My husband is also a Christian. He is 25. Because I became a Christian, I agreed to get married to this man. I started to have sex when I was 17. All my boyfriends were over 40. I had three of them. They treated me well and with respect. One of them was a white man. He was the last man in my life. We broke up because his company sent him back to Canada.

When I met my husband, I asked him if he could wait and not have sex until we got married. He said yes, so we never had sex. We kissed a lot. When he kissed me, I experienced orgasms. Now that we are married, I have found my husband to be aggressive in bed. He is not doing foreplay. He doesn't believe in it. Sometimes when we're done having sex, I am bruised. Please tell me what to do because I am tired of argueing with him.

L.K.

Dear L.K.,

Your story reminds me of a song, 'I Want A Woman to Jam'. Your husband is not making love. He only thinks that he is doing so. When a man has sex, he should want his partner to be satisfied. He should also want her to enjoy it and not to experience pain.

Both of you are married. He doesn't have to be in a hurry to insert his penis in you. There are so many things he could do to make it easy for you. I am going to suggest you buy books and read together. You may even ask him whether he would be willing to go and see a sex therapist. In the meantime, try your very best to be prepared for your husband.

You can go to the pharmacy and ask for K-Y Jelly to prevent your husband entering a dry vagina. If that is not available, you could also try to get Replens, which is another popular one used by most females during sexual intercourse.

Pastor