Dear Pastor,

I am 19. I have written to you before about dating a married man. I am very confused at this moment. We have been dating for a year. He is nice but he is married. He wants to have kids with me and I want kids, too, but I don't have a future with him, as he is already married.

I recently met an older man. He is everything a woman could dream of. I can be true with myself when I am with this man and I can do whatever I want with him. I like doing threesomes, oral sex, etc. I feel comfortable around him. He is caring and very loving. The married man is very stuck-up, but he does everything for me.

It's really hard for me because if I should get pregnant by this married man, my child will grow without his father, who would only be around occasionally. I am not saying that he wouldn't take care of his child, but he is not going to leave his wife for me. The man I met recently wants me for himself. He wants me to be his woman; he is not married, but has a son.

I don't know what to do because I don't want to be ungrateful to this married man. I need your advice.

N.S.

Dear, N.S.,

I could see that you are a thinking young woman, but at the same time, you are involved with two men and each wants you for himself. The married man wants you to have kids by him. Doesn't he have kids with his wife? You say that you don't have a future with him and you are well aware that he is not going to leave his wife and marry you. There are only two reasons why you'll probably continue to date this man. One, he gives you money and whatever material things you need. Second, he gives you good sex. Because he will not marry you and will tie you up with children, you have ruled him out of your future.

The second man is single but much older than you. He allows you to do freaky things which you enjoy. That's the kind of man you say you dream of. You love to do threesomes. I suppose you bring another girl or man in the bedroom. You specialise in threesomes and oral sex. How can the older man want you for himself when, at the same time, you enjoy having a third party in the bedroom?

It would seem to me from the tone of your letter, the married man has given you lots of money and that is why you are reluctant to end the relationship with him. At the same time, you want to hold on to the older man because you are free to do freaky stuff. Both of these men are taking care of you.

Please forgive me for telling you the truth. You are young. The sex might be good with both men but what I am going to suggest you try your best to get an education. Go back to school. At your age, you should be in school, or at least you should be a recent graduate with a first degree. I repeat, find yourself in school.

Discuss that with the older gentleman. Perhaps he would help you to pay the fees. Drop the married man. He is very selfish. He wants you to have his children, perhaps to tie up your feet.

The older man might be a jealous man. Generally speaking, older men are. Don't play around with two men at once. It is not wise. Please let me hear from you again.

Pastor