Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 24 and work with the Government. I have a boyfriend who was living in the USA but he is now living in Jamaica. He is 10 years older than I am. He is a very nice guy. He is trying to do his own business and I am trying to help him.

I am still living with my mother. My father lives abroad and comes home every year. He met my boyfriend. He asked him where he was working and he said he was doing his own business. My father told him he wished him well. I am having this big problem. My mother likes my boyfriend, too, but they do not know that the reason why my boyfriend is in Jamaica is because he was deported.

He is hoping that if he keeps clean he will be allowed to get back to America.

He wants to marry me but I don't know what to do. He asks me to marry him almost every day but I haven't given him a straight answer. How can I give him a straight answer when I never, in my wildest dream, thought that I would go to bed and have a relationship with a deportee?

I know he wants to get me pregnant but I am not ready for that and that I wouldn't want my child to know his father is a deportee. Please give me your advice.

F.D.

Dear F.D.,

I know you are concerned about your relationship with this man who was deported. Lots of negative things are said about them. Some are true and some not. Many have returned to their homeland, and have settled down and are doing well. It has not been easy for them but those with ambition are working hard, doing much better than many people who have never travelled or got into trouble with the law.

This man must have told you why he was deported. After hearing from him, you became lovers. You are concerned about how your parents would feel if you were to inform them. The truth is, while you ought to respect your parents' opinion, ultimately, the decision, whether you should marry or not marry this man, should be totally yours. There are some problems that you may face in the future. He might not be able to travel with you if you were to visit certain countries.

I suggest you should make an appointment with an immigration lawyer and discuss the legal aspects of things. You should also see a family counsellor before a final decision is made. I wish you well.

Pastor