Dear Pastor,

I always read about people's problems and how you help them. I am writing to ask you for some help. I am having some problems in my relationship. My girlfriend's mother didn't approve of me. She said I wasn't in a good job to maintain her daughter. Eventually, we got over that. I had some friends who have also damaged my love life. They persuaded me to cheat and I hurt her really bad. She found out, so I decided to stop - I changed.

The big problem now is that it seems as if she has given up on me. She has someone else but she still loves me. We tried to work things out but she claims she really likes the other guy, and her mother likes him as well because he has a good job. She told me to stop forcing things and that if we are to get back together we will. I am still fighting to get her but it has caused her to feel stressed; she told me that it was better for me to stop fighting for her. She wants us to be friends, but with benefits, and I just need to get my career together.

I keep trying to fix back the relationship because I really love her. I have found out that the new guy is her best friend's brother. She told me she can't leave him because if she does he will be hurt and her best friend, the only friend she has, will hate her for hurting her brother.

Pastor, please give me your best advice. I really love her and I know she loves me too. She has always been there for me when no one else was, even when I was not working. I can tell she is a good girl, regardless of everything. I know I did a lot to hurt her, but please tell me what is the best thing to do. Please pray for our relationship.

R.W.

Dear R.W.,

You are not using common sense. This woman is telling you that it's over so you should move on, but you are not getting the message. I don't care what caused the relationship to deteriorate. You said you cheated on her and she found herself another man ,and you are not letting go.

Now, to make you feel better, she is telling you that both of you can be friends with benefits. Friends with benefits don't go the way she seems to be suggesting, so don't allow this woman to continue to make you a fool. She has got herself a new man but in the beginning of the relationship you had with her, evidently you hurt her.

She will never be loyal to you again. How can you know that this woman is sleeping with another man and at the same time sleeping with you? I don't doubt that she was a good girl when both of you had a good relationship, but right now you should let her go. The relationship will never be the same. Look, seek another woman and stop begging.

Pastor