Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I am having a problem and I hope that you can help. I have been in a relationship with a man since I was 16 years old. He is now 60 and I am 30. This man was not married when we started dating but he got married. I cried so much, I almost died. That didn't stop me from staying with him because he was taking good care of me. He paid for me to go to school, paid my rent and bought me a car. Guys came around me but I never cheated on him and he was not watching me. He trusted me.

This man and I have an account together but I also have my own account. His wife doesn't know about the account we have because we use my address and he has an account with her. The account we have together has a few million dollars. He told me if anything happens to him I should just take that for myself.

For the first time, he is telling me that I can get a man and get married, but if I get married I would have to give up some of the money. He told me the money that we have together is for savings and protection.

I told him about a guy who is at my workplace. He knows the guy but he doesn't believe that the guy is good enough for me. I would like to have a child. I got pregnant once and lost it. Every time this man has sex with me we use the condom. His wife suspects us but he convinced her that we are only good friends, so I go to the home whenever he is having birthday parties and so on.

I am confused because I don't want to give up this man and I am nervous to get involve with someone else. He has never hit me. I think I know what love is. Hoping to hear from you.

B.B.

Dear B.B.,

This man has told you to try and find a man so you should do exactly that. You shouldn't pursue any man. You must have criteria. You and this man have been going for a long time and evidently he is in a good position. He has supported you in every way and both of you have saved together.

You haven't said how long he has been married. However, as I see it, you are a pretty bold-faced young woman. You know you are having an affair with this man and yet you go to his home and pretend that you are only a social friend. I repeat, follow this man's suggestion. Try and get yourself a good man.

According to what you have said, both of you have a substantial amount in savings. Be wise, give up some of the money, it wouldn't hurt you. Time to free yourself up. So while you want to hold on to this man because of the benefits that you have enjoyed, losing a few dollars will not cause you to be broke. Because of the love and care by him, you are very nervous to end the relationship with him and to get involved with another man. Even if you do not get involved with another man very soon, bring an end to the relationship with this man. It is going to be tough for you but you should at least try.

Pastor