Feeling jealous is perfectly human and experiencing jealousy is something that most of us can relate to. Even as children, we would get jealous when someone plays with our toys or even gets too close to our parents. As adults, jealousy is mostly experienced in our intimate relationships. For some people, getting jealous brings the worse out of us. But it is important to differentiate between jealousy and insecurity.

What makes you jealous?

Individuals get jealous for various reasons and these are completely dependent on their own experiences, circumstances and standards. For some, they treat jealousy like a personality trait and this is where it becomes a hindrance in their relationship. It is important to let your partner know what makes you feel this way so he/she can be sensitive to that and adjust accordingly.

How do you when you are jealous versus being insecure?

This is a tricky question because very few persons understand the difference. I guess the easiest way to make the comparison is - Jealousy is brought on by external circumstances and insecurity is brought on by an internal state of mind. How you perceive a situation will determine if you are feeling jealous or insecure.

Is jealousy good for your relationship?

The answer to this question is Yes and NO. Feeling a little jealous can influence you actions to maintain your relationship to ensure that your partner feels that he/she has your attention and you are aware that they are afraid of losing you. Jealousy becomes a problem when it is too much and the response to the feeling is over the top.

Since jealousy can be triggered by different circumstances, the feeling is usually happening at any point. The important thing is how you handle it. Always take a moment to pause when you feel jealous and don't act in anger. Calm down before you communicate your feelings to your partner. Be clear about what made you feel jealous and prepare to have a conversation with your partner about how their action affects you.

For the persons who describe themselves as a jealous, examine that belief and you may discover that your feelings are more rooted in insecurity. In that case, you should work on your issues and self esteem which will help you better relate to your partner. In the end, while a little jealous is enough to keep you on your toes, be careful not to go overboard and destroy your relationship. Have fun and stay sexy.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexylive or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy

Question

Dear Dr Sexy,

My boyfriend wants me to move in with him. Do you think I should move in with him?

Josephine

Dear Josephine,

It is up to you. Ask yourself how comfortable you are with him. Remember our people say that "see mi and come live with mi is two different things", so make sure that you are really ready. Perhaps as a test, you could spend a period of time at his house to see how you feel before you move in permanently. Let him know what you need to make his place liveable for you and be very clear about your feelings. Good luck.

Dr Sexy