I am having a problem. I am 21 and in love with a girl who is 19 for over a year. She says that she loves me but I am not sure because when she is with her friends she ignores me. The only time she would come to me is if she sees another girl talking to me for too long. I love her and I want to be true to her. Sometimes I don't go out with my friends, even when my friends encourage me to go out on a Saturday night to play. You know what I mean, Pastor. They go chasing girls.

One night I went out with them and I had sex with two different girls. I had too much to drink but I wasn't drunk. All of us were just fooling around that night. I couldn't tell my girlfriend about it because I was scared and I didn't want to lose her.

Pastor, she is very jealous. I can't take that. I want to be friendly with everybody. This girl only wants me to stay by myself until she comes to me or calls me. She is a very good-looking girl and is of fair complexion, and she talks about her complexion all the time. I don't care about that. I just want to know how to deal with her jealousy. She is proud and doesn't like my friends because she thinks that she is better than they are.

Do you think I should continue with this girl? I really want to know.

D.E.

Dear D.E.,

As I read your letter I had to ask myself, "What are the real issues here?" It seems to me that your girlfriend thinks a little too much of herself. She is making herself a fool because of her complexion. She might have a light complexion but an empty head. It is time for you to tell her that you have a right to choose your friends and to associate with them at any time while not ignoring her as your intimate girlfriend.

You seem to be on the lonely side although you have a girlfriend. However, I can't encourage you to follow your male friends and have unprotected sex with girls that may lead you into trouble. It is never wise to have unprotected sex or group sex, etc.

I suggest that your girlfriend and you have a serious talk and that both of you decide to seek professional help. You see, family counsellors give guidance not only when a relationship has totally broken down but also to prevent the breakdown of a relationship. So if you love this young woman and she loves you, go talk to a counsellor before the relationship deteriorates.

Pastor