Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am married to a man, but I was told he was married before and he did not get a divorce. He did not tell me that he was married. He told me he was never married and I believed him, so we got married. Now that I have found out that he was married I keep asking him why he didn't tell me. He said it is true that he was married but he got a divorce. He said he did not want to tell me that he was married and is divorced because my church doesn't believe in marrying divorced people and he didn't want me to turn him down. I told him to send me the divorce certificate but he hasn't sent it.

Every week that we talk on the phone, I ask him for it and he hasn't sent it. I told him that I want to add my married name on to my passport and I wouldn't want to put his name on it and he was not divorced and is still married to another woman.

My pastor says that I should not use his name because he is still married to his first wife. I am very worried. I didn't force myself on this man and I don't know why he is not giving me the divorce paper that he says he has.

I don't want to report him. I don't want him to get into trouble, so what should I do?

O.N

Dear O.N.,

This man is a liar and you shouldn't believe a liar. He said he was never married and he knew that he was married. Now he is saying that he is divorced but he is not giving you any proof. How can you believe such a man? And if indeed he is divorced, what is taking him so long to produce the divorce papers? If he got married and was not divorced from his wife, then he is guilty of bigamy and can end up in prison.

Frankly, I suggest that you let this man know that you are prepared to report him unless he produces the divorce certificate at a particular time. Give him an ultimatum and if he fails to produce the document, report him to the police. Continue to attend your church but have nothing to do with this man until he does what is right.

Pastor