Dear Pastor,

Congratulations on the wonderful work you are doing. I am 50 and my wife is also 50. We have four grown children. My wife is working two jobs but she does not have to do so. One job would do. I only have one job. My wife has saved more money than me. We do not see us having problems when we retire. Where we are having problems, Pastor, is in our sex life. My wife has stopped giving me sex. She said that I have had enough. I was her first man. We had sex for the first time when she was 17 and a half years old.

I don't think my wife has another man. She keeps herself well. She is well put together. Unless you knew her, you won't believe that she is 50. Because she is not giving me enough sex, I have cheated on her a few times but she does not know and she has already warned me that if I cheat, that's the end of the marriage. I asked her what I should do. She told me that I should wait on her because she is giving her body a rest from sex.

I asked my eldest daughter to talk to her mother and she cursed me and told me that I have no shame. I should not discuss our sex life with our daughter. I was only trying to let her see that I was suffering from the lack of sex. She would not tell me when she is going to come off the break.

Please tell me what I should do.

N.H

Dear N.H.,

I am glad that you are not accusing your wife of cheating. She is 50. She has been having sex from she was 17 and a half years old and she says she wants a break. If you were to continue to complain she may punish you by continuing to refuse to have sex. If you were to humble yourself (I hate to use the word humble yourself), and be extra nice she may shock you by offering herself to you when you least expect.

I want you to know that it is not unusual for some women to declare that they are tired of having sex and they want a break. Accept what I say, sir, it is not unusual. Women have said that to me on many occasions and in the presence of their husbands that they want a break from sex but at the same time these women would kill their men if they were to find out that they cheated on them while they were on their so-called break. Incidentally, no man has ever said to me in a counselling session that he wanted to take a break from sex. While the women said that the men were too greedy, the men said that they were not getting enough.

You began your letter by saying that your wife has two jobs. You were probably trying to say that it is because of her jobs why she does not have the time to have sex and she is probably tired. She has not told you she is tired. She told you she is on a break. That must be very rough for you but she is deeply in love with you. She believes that if she can take a break you can take a break too. She is not being rational. You have a stronger sex drive than your wife. She should not fail to carry out her marital obligation when it comes to lovemaking.

Nevertheless, I must warn you. Two wrongs don't make a right. Although she is wrong in holding out against you, don't be silly and get involved with other women because she may never forgive you. Your wife will turn around, so to speak. You should try to be the nicest husband this world has ever seen and you will succeed. It is just a matter of time.

Pastor