Dear Pastor,

I have been in a long distance relationship for the past five years. My boyfriend with whom I have two children, went to North America to spend two weeks, with his mother. After the two weeks, he came home and told me that he could get a good job in America, so he would like to go and work. I agreed, so he went. I was hearing from him every week and everything was going great. He would call and talk to his children. He did not only send money but he sent clothes and other things for them with people who went to the States and were returning to Jamaica. He sent me money to put into our account because our aim was to buy a house.

I began to feel very lonely and he seemed to be very comfortable in America. He kept telling me to hold on, so I kept holding on. One day, I needed help because the gas ran out. I called one of his friends who is not living far from us and asked him to take me to purchase the gas. He came and I gave him the money. One of my boys went with him and when my son came back he said that this man was questioning him and asking if since his father is away, if I had any man coming to the house. He told him no.

When my son told me about the questions he was asking, I called him and told him that I was disappointed in him and why should he ask these questions. This man told me that he has been admiring me and that he heard that my children's father is not coming back and he would like to come and see me. I told him it was alright for him to come but I only told him so because I wanted to hear where he got his information from about my boyfriend.

My children's father is a very quiet man. He doesn't talk very much and I started to wonder how people could know that when he is so secretive. So, I called him and told him what I heard because I could not sleep. To my surprise, he hung up the phone and told me that he could not talk with me now. That was the first time since he was away that he didn't have time to talk to me.

An hour after, I called back and I was crying. He said that he found a young lady. She is a friend of his mother and she is willing to marry him so that he could get his green card. He also told me that it is his mother who had let out the secret to someone in Jamaica because he didn't want me to hear it that way.

Since that news, our relationship has gone downhill. I found myself hating his mother. He still sends money for the children and for me but I don't just need his money, I need him.

H.P

Dear H.P.,

I hate to tell you that this relationship is pretty well dead unless this man genuinely loves you and is being misled into marrying another woman so as to change his status. And after receiving his green card, he will return home and marry you. Some people have tried to do that and run into great difficulties. From what you have said about this man, he has been a good father and a good man to you.

Evidently, his mother has a great influence over his life. She might say that she means him well but instead of getting married to get permanent status, he could have said no and could have consulted an immigration lawyer for advice. It is not too late for him to do what is right.

You need not hate his mother. He is a grown man and he does not have to follow her advice. Encourage him to talk to an immigration lawyer. In the meantime, remain faithful to him and do not encourage any male to come to your house.

Pastor