Dear Pastor,

I am a long-time reader of your column but this is the first time I am taking a chance to write to you. I prefer to write than to call you on the show at nights. I am afraid people will recognise my voice. I am 31 and I am married and have a daughter but I am in trouble because this child doesn't belong to my husband. And he knows that he is not the father. He treats the child very well but he constantly tells me that he cannot trust me because I have cheated on him.

The father of my daughter lives abroad. I went to America for four weeks and got involved with this guy who is much younger than my husband. When I realised that I was pregnant I was devastated, but I did not want to have an abortion. When I returned to Jamaica and I realised that I was pregnant, my intention was to try and pass on this child to my husband but he became ill before I got home and he had no interest in sex. So, I made up my mind that whatever happened I was going to tell him about my unfaithfulness to him.

Before I could tell him, he asked me and I said yes. I begged him to allow us to continue. He didn't answer but he moved into the guest room and this is where he is still sleeping. No one would ever know that this child is not his because he treats her well. Some people even say that she resembles him.

He doesn't allow me to take anything from the child's father but since my unfaithfulness he has never had sex with me. I know my husband has a girlfriend. He denies it but I hear him talking to her all the time. He calls her his close friend. I do not know where she lives but sometimes he leaves and tells me he is going out for the weekend but he doesn't say where he is going and if I ask him, he doesn't answer.

I don't know how long I can live like this but he has never asked me for a divorce. We talk about everything but when it comes to us and our future or love life he is silent. I love my husband but he does not believe that I love him. If I say my husband, he says, "No, your ex-husband". I need your advice, please.

V.D.

Dear V.D.,

I am sorry to hear that your husband and yourself are not enjoying a good relationship. You haven't said why you were unfaithful to him. It seems to me that he treated you well but for some reason known to yourself you made love to another man who got you pregnant. And you were even planning to try to trick your husband to get him to believe that he impregnated you. Your plans did not work.

You are very fortunate that your husband has not filed for a divorce and that he has embraced this child as his own. He needs to be commended. Many men would not have accepted this child, so one may say that your husband is a good man. However, it must be very difficult to be living with a man who does not express his love for you and does not practice any form of intimacy with you.

Some men would have from time to time make love to their women who have cheated on them but he refuses to do so. In fact, he sleeps in a separate room. I think what he is trying to say is that you may live in the house for as long as you wish but as far as he is concerned the relationship is dead.

You know he has a girlfriend but he is not flaunting the relationship. Perhaps you may want to ask him if both of you could go and see a family counsellor. He may tell you it's a waste of time but at least you can try. Don't leave the matrimonial home unless both of you have decided to get a divorce. It's going to be tough to start over but I wish you well.

Pastor