Dear Pastor,

I have been living in Jamaica for 10 years. Sometimes my accent gives me away but if one doesn't know that I was born in America he or she would take me for a Jamaican. When I first came to Jamaica I was married. I entered into a relationship with a Jamaican girl. She was much younger than me. My wife came to Jamaica and I told her the girl was my helper. After spending two days with me, she fired the girl and told her that she was too young to be my helper. I objected and told the girl not to leave. My wife stood up against me and told me that if she didn't go then the marriage between us was over. She asked different people if they knew the girl and they all told her the girl was my girlfriend.

The two weeks that my wife spent with me were the most miserable two weeks I have ever spent with a woman. She cursed me and called me dirty names and then left. She has never returned to Jamaica. She turned my children's minds against me, so now I don't have a family.

young girl

Only my daughter communicates with me sometimes. She told me she is hoping that her mother and I would get back together. But, pastor, I do not have any feelings for my wife and I cannot put this young girl away because she means the world to me. She works with me and she is a loyal and honest young woman. She could have left me for a younger man, but she hasn't. She makes me feel young.

I am turned off by my wife's weight. She is about 50 to 60 lb heavier than when we were living together. I know you are going to say that I should leave the young girl and go back to my wife, but as I said, there are no feelings for her. I do not want to take her back.

What do you say about my problem? My wife and I are not divorced.

D.S.

Dear D.S.,

If you and your wife do not intend to be reconciled, I suggest that the best thing for both of you to do is to agree to seek a divorce. Both of you can pay the attorney's fees, but perhaps your wife would not agree to contribute to the cost of a divorce because she might look at you as the one who has caused the break-up of the marriage.

I don't know why you feel that you could have pulled off the helper's stunt. Your wife is not a fool and when she came to Jamaica and saw how you and this woman were moving, she knew right away that you were having an affair with her. You are determined to continue the relationship, so if that is what you wish to do, free yourself of the legal entanglement that you have with your wife and marry this younger woman.

Please understand that I am not here saying that you are a wise man for having a relationship with a young girl and destroying your marriage. I am only saying that your marriage is already destroyed and you are not willing to be reconciled with your wife, so it would be in your interest to get a divorce.

Pastor