Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you. May you continue to do your good work. I am 41 years old and I am divorced. I do not have children. When I was young, I wanted to have children, but it never happened. I tried three different men in my life to see if any of them would have got me pregnant, but it never happened. I stopped having unprotected sex because the last man gave me an STI and then he denied that I caught it from him. The doctor told me to tell him to come and see her, but he refused to go. I got married finally to one of my church brothers and he did not have children. He was hoping that I would become pregnant, but when it did not happen, he got involved with another woman and got her pregnant.

I tried to tell him that I would take the baby if he would end the relationship with her. But the more I spoke to him, the closer he got to her. I did not want to leave my husband. I was willing to forgive him but he was not willing to give up the young woman. So we parted. We are not divorced, but we are not together. He says that he is not divorcing me, but he is still with the woman.

At first, I was very cross with the girl and I called her and cursed her. But now I talk to her. She told me that she is not the one holding him, but at the same time she does not want to let go. One day ,she said to me, "Mrs So and So, try give him a baby nuh?" I felt she was mocking me. I am having a real problem now, Pastor.

There is a man who is a returning resident. He is an old man, but he loves me and told me that he would like me to become his companion. His children are grown and are not living with him. They are all living in the States. The house I am living in belongs to my husband and myself. But it is built on my father's land. I don't believe in divorce, but I am lonely and, as I write this letter, it is raining and I do feel for a man.

I want to talk to my pastor, but he is a very young pastor and he does not have any experience. He is not even married as yet. Please help me.

T.

Dear T.,

You have had a very difficult time. Your husband and yourself tried to have a child and you were unsuccessful. Then he gave up on you and got involved with a woman and impregnated her. I am pretty sure that what he was trying to do when he went with that other woman was to prove to himself that he was not sterile and was able to impregnate a woman. You know by now that there is no hope of that man coming back to you. He is not going to do so. You have pleaded with him to come home and you have assured him that he is forgiven, but he has refused to leave his child's mother.

I suggest, therefore, that you divorce him. Go and see a lawyer. Discuss everything with him, including the house in which you live. You probably should seriously consider adopting a child. Do an adoption before you get much older.

Concerning the senior citizen, who is a returning resident and is in love with you, pay attention to him. Don't turn him away. Regardless of his age, take him on. But make sure you do not become seriously involved with him until you receive your divorce. You need companionship so go for the older man; who in a sense cannot be described as your sugar daddy. So even if people talk, you can tell them that they are jealous of you.

Pastor