Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I have a problem. I have been in love with a young lady for three years. I have been sending her to school. When we became friends, she had a boyfriend and he was paying for her to go to school. They broke up because of me. I had a car and I used to pick up my sister who was going to the same school and would give her a ride. Her boyfriend didn't like that. I was passing her gate so I would give her a ride straight home. She never told us that her boyfriend didn't want her to travel with us until we saw her with a black eye. She told us that her boyfriend punched her, that is how she and I got involved.

The guy threatened me, but we never stopped our relationship. I did not know that she was pregnant until after we got involved. She wasn't sure either, but when her pregnancy was confirmed, she told me she did not want to go back to the guy so I took over. The baby was registered in my name.

Anybody can see that the child is not mine so those who don't know what happened, have it to say that she has given me a jacket. I am all mixed up because I have two children with another woman - she still loves me and I still love her. My money is small, but I am still helping my new girlfriend, but my mind has changed from the responsibility of the child. She tells everybody that the child is mine.

My children's mother is going abroad and she wants us to get married when she comes back. I don't know what to do, so I am asking you for your advice.

L.C

Dear L.C.,

The question is, what type of relationship are you having now with your children's mother? You said that she is planning to go abroad and when she returns she wants both of you to get married. I am sure she wants the children that both of you had together to live as a family with mom and dad. What about the other child who is carrying your name? He/she was registered in your name - you want to give up that child now that reality has really hit you?

I believe that you should continue to support that child even if the mother and yourself have ended the intimate relationship that both of you are having. However, you should bear in mind that that child would not be allowed to travel with you to the United States. My understanding is that the US Immigration is asking for DNA tests to be done on children who were born outside of wedlock, when their parents have filed for them to live in America.

I further suggest that you and the mother of this child make an appointment to see a family counsellor and discuss this matter in person with him/her. I wish you well.

Pastor