Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I would like to get some advice. I am a 25-year-old woman and I have been dating a man for two years. When I met him he told me that he was engaged to a woman and she got pregnant by another man and tried to pin it on him, so he left her.

After he left her and the baby was born, she insisted that the child was his. When he met with her in the presence of her mother, father and pastor, she stopped. He was able to tell them the last time he had sex with her and how the baby could not be his. The pastor asked her if he was telling the truth and she didn't answer. He asked her three times and she broke down and cried. Her father thanked him for coming and he left.

When he told me about the incident, he cried. He said he was abroad when she became pregnant so the baby could not be his child. I love him but he is asking me too many questions about my past. He wants to know if I am seeing any of the men at my workplace. He asks if any of them is interested in me. I told him that I did not ask him to tell me everything about his ex-girlfriend, so he should promise not to ask me about my past again. I told him if he does I will not date him anymore.

Pastor, when I was 18 I got pregnant and had an abortion but I have put that behind me. The man who got me pregnant was a married. My parents were away for a week and this man slept with me and got me pregnant. My aunt knew about it but I have never told my parents.

Do you think I should tell this man?

W.K

Dear W.K.,

It will do no good to tell this man that you have had an abortion but please understand that not all counsellors would agree with me. This man is not God. Telling him would not strengthen the relationship. You can never be sure what he would do with that information. What you should tell him is the fact that you were sexually active - but I am sure he probably knows that by now.

If he loves you and you love him, you both should not be in a hurry to get married. Try know each other better first. It is unfortunate that the married man did not protect you; as you were too naive at the time.

Your present boyfriend should not use the incident with his former girlfriend to judge you. I wish you well. Please let me hear from you again.

Pastor