Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I have a boyfriend. I am attending college and my ex-boyfriend is also attending the same college. My present boyfriend is 22 and he is working and he gives me money out of his pay every week. He told me that he knows that my ex-boyfriend and I are still seeing each other. I said to him that if he means that I see him on the school compound, then he is correct, but we are not having an affair. We only say a word of greetings to each other and that's all.

I blame myself all the time because I was the one who told my present boyfriend about him. I had to tell him something because after we had sex for the first time he said that he thought I was a virgin. I told him no, my ex-boyfriend took my virginity and he did not say anything again.

On my birthday he took me out for dinner and I was seeing my period so we did not have sex. He gave me a lovely chain and $10,000. He is always telling me that he is not fattening me for another man, but, Pastor, I am not doing anything for him to be fearful of. My ex-boyfriend's mother didn't like me at all. She said I am too black for her son and his mother talked bad things about my relatives and my mother heard, so I had to leave him. It had to end this way because both of us are in school and he has nothing to give me. I am in a better position than he is today. How can I assure my boyfriend that nothing is going on between us?

P

Dear P,

In your heart you know that you are not cheating on your boyfriend. Assure him that he has no need to fear. He is all that you need and you will not waste your time going back to your ex-boyfriend. You have been with him and he has disappointed you and his mother did not embrace you as a daughter-in-law. She had negative things to say. You have too much pride to go back into a family who is not respectful and loving and who believe that one should be judged by the colour of their skin and not by their character.

I must say that you have a very loving and helpful boyfriend. I have withheld some of the things that you have written. I hope that this relationship will grow stronger and stronger and that eventually both of you will get married and raise a family together.

Pastor