Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old. I met a man two years ago and we started to have a normal relationship. I did not live at his house, neither did he live at mine. Our relationship was a visiting one. We slept at each other's home from time to time. I earn more than he does, so I give him money when it is necessary to repair his car and even to help him with other expenses. He has two children and I help him to support them. It took me one year before I had sex with him. I remember when I finally agreed to have sex with him, he cried.

This man would like me to marry him, but I can't. He can barely read and I don't like his relatives. His mother is brawling and his father does not keep himself clean. I like his children. They are in high school and I give him money so he can buy them uniforms. I have literally taken over the responsibility of giving them lunch money.

Now, here is where I am having a big problem. I have a man friend. We dated for a while and then he went away and got married, but the relationship did not work, so he is now divorced. And he is interested in me again and would like us to get married. I told this man about him and he is begging me not to leave him. This is an educated man and he has done well and is living abroad. I love him. Should I or should I not consider marrying this man?

A.V

Dear A.V.,

I am going to be straight up with you. You are on your own. Make your own decision. You took a long time before going to bed with this man and eventually when you did he cried. Those tears meant a lot. You have given him the impression that all is well. You have been assisting him financially. I can imagine how grateful he is for the help in supporting his children. Regardless of what you think about his parents, you have given him the impression that you love him. How can you now back away? You see why I have said you are on your own in making this decision?

The other man, with whom you had a relationship, left you, went aboard and got married and after having a failed marriage, is coming back to you as if you were on a shelf all along waiting for him to return to you. Are you going to go back to him because he can read and write? I repeat, you are on your own with this one and I wish you well.

Pastor