I am a regular reader of your column and I like your straightforward answers. I hope you can be of help to me. I am 51 years old and I have been living in America from I was 10 years old. I am divorced and, three years ago, I met a young lady from my native land Jamaica and I started to go out with her. She told me of her background, but I decided to help her. She comes from a poor family and she speaks bad English. Sometimes I had to be correcting her and, whenever we went out and were with my friends, she didn't say much because her English was so bad.

I encouraged her to leave her sister's house and to live with me. My son and I were the only ones living at my house. My son did not like her at first. He told me that she was too young for me but, as she lived with us she took care of his clothes and his room and did everything for him, so he got to like her.

We attend church. We bought her church clothes. She attended for about two months and when she got to know the people, she started to go out with the men and came home late at nights. I spoke to her about her behaviour and then she started to back talk me. Finally, she told me that I am an old man and she wants to live her life. I told the brother she started to go out often with he can take her, so she left.

I had $20,000 and she took that with her. She is spreading my name to all my good friends and telling them that the reason why we fell out is because I am dead, my penis has no life, and I am only telling lies on her to cover up her real reason for leaving.

Her relatives told me that, when she was staying with them, they missed things, but she would always deny that she took them. Pastor, I had to hold this thing down because I didn't want anybody in the church to know that I was going to bed with her. The girl is a criminal.

E.R

Dear E.R.,

If indeed this young woman is a thief, she will get into trouble. It is only a matter of time and it will happen. You did not give this woman's age, but I get the impression that she is considerably much younger than you. If you were looking for a wife, after you took her out for a few weeks you should have known that both of you were not compatible and you shouldn't have encouraged her to come and stay at your house.

A woman should not go out with a man who would embarrass her in the presence of her friends; neither should a man take a woman out who cannot even carry on a good conversation in the presence of his friends. If this woman had ambition, she would have tried to go back to school and I am sure she would have received help from you to do so. She is not ambitious. She seems to be the run- around type and she is ungrateful.

You know that she lied on you, so do not allow what she said to affect you. Some people would believe and some would not believe, but unfortunately, when it comes to a woman, if she tells others that a man is suffering from erectile dysfunction, people tend to believe. But you know the truth, so remain strong.

Pastor