Dear Pastor,

I first want to commend you on the wonderful work you are doing. I am a regular reader of your column and I believe that God has truly blessed you in helping a lot of people. I am a 23-year-old Christian young lady. I grew up in a Christian family but my father spent most of his life overseas and wasn't really a part of my life. I then moved to the city and met this guy who made me start having sex at age 15. We did a lot of immoral things and during this time my mother and I had a lot of differences, which led to her putting me out of the house at 19.

I was so much in love with him. He showed me kindness and provided some form of happiness that I didn't feel I was getting at home. I lived with him for six months. I got a job at a fast food restaurant and often came home late hours after my shift ended. He wanted sex at that time. When I finished working sometimes I came home at 4 a.m. and I would say no, I am tired. Most times he would get vexed with me and malice me for days. Other times he would just force me to do it no matter what I said.

Finally, after a year of putting up with this, I decided that I couldn't take it anymore and I told him I was leaving to go back to my mother's house. He told me not to go but I did and went back to live with her. I found out I was pregnant and I lost my job shortly after. I had the baby and my mom supported and helped me. Soon after, I went back to church and he still wanted me to be with him. I told him no. He later stopped working and I am now the one taking care of the baby. He stays home with the baby when I am gone to work.

Since I began working again, a nice young man same age as I am, has found favour in me. He is a Christian and he also can fix things so I invited him to my home a few times while my mom was there to fix some things for us. But now things are getting out of hand. My child's father comes home on my day off and gives me a hard time about my friend. He has also started to abuse and threaten me more than before (this is why I left him in the first place).

My child's father is crazy. He says that people in the community are telling him that the guy and I are together and that he doesn't want him around or else he is going to kill us all. This is an everyday thing now. He searches my phone, chokes me, holds me down, touches my vagina against my will, tells me all sorts of dirty stuff and shouts at me all the time. Recently, he took up a knife and was walking up and down in my house saying he wants to kill me, the baby and himself.

My mom is self-employed but she works out two days per the week and when she is not there, he comes over and makes trouble for me. I told him that I don't want him because he doesn't want to give his life to God and worse, he is abusive. Pastor, the entire story could not be told in this letter but please tell me what to do. My mom knows about the threats but not the sexual abuse. I plan to make a police report but I am so afraid. Your urgent help is needed. Thanks!

Desperate

Dear Desperate,

I would urge you to report your child's father to the police without delay. You need not be afraid of his threats. You should go to the police immediately. You never know when he will carry out his threats, so a restraining order should be taken out against him as soon as possible. What I am trying to say is that he should be banned from the house. He knows that you are scared of him and that's why he is taking advantage of you. If he is taking care of the baby while you are at work, let him do so at his house. He does not have to come to your house.

The first step to take is to report him to the police. Ask them to find him and speak to him. But then you must go further. Ask a lawyer to take up the matter for you by getting a restraining order against him. You must resist this man with all your life. He cannot be allowed to have his own way. He needs to be behind bars. If you do not take this matter in hand, he will continue to abuse you. I wish you well. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor