Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and I am living with a man who is stressing me out. It is hard for me to know how to deal with him. I feel so unhappy. He caused me to leave my country and to come to Jamaica. I loved the place at first, but I have already packed to go back because I don't feel happy. When he was living with me in America everything was all right. I treated him as a king and he treated me as a queen. He did not run around with other women. But now that he is in Jamaica among his people and his friends, he has many women and he is always lying.

When he should be at home with me he tells me he has to be at work, and when I call his workplace he is not there. I am so embarrassed. He introduced a young woman to me and told me she was his cousin. Now this girl is pregnant and it is his child. How could I have believed that she was his cousin?

My parents warned me about loving a Jamaican man but I told them that he is a special Jamaican man. I worked and helped him through school and this is what he is doing to me. He wanted me to become pregnant. He said that that would change everything, but I can't get pregnant for a man who is never home except on a Sunday. And he is always lying to me.

When I want to go out with him on weekends, he wants me to stay at home because he says that I can't dance to reggae music. Right now I am broke and ashamed but I am going to go home.

T.R

Dear T.R.,

I agree with you. This man is not behaving as if he loves you. He is a selfish man but I want to assure you that most Jamaican men would protect their foreign girlfriends and treat them well. Don't judge every Jamaican man by your boyfriend's standard. He should be ashamed of himself. He shouldn't have invited you to Jamaica if he was not willing to treat you well. You are doing the correct thing. Leave him and go back to your country. You have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame is on him. He is a very ungrateful man. You helped him through school. He would fall flat on his face for the way he has treated you. He doesn't have any conscience. You need not even ask anybody to talk to this man. He is not worth fighting for.

Pastor