Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I have been married for five years, but four out of these five years I have been having an affair with another man. It started innocently. I admired and confided in him. After a period of time, I fell in love with him and wondered how it would feel to go to bed with him.

When I got married, my husband was not able to satisfy me and I told him so. He went to doctors and they gave him tablets. They told him it was his sugar that was affecting him. He brought his sugar under control but he still could not get a hard erection.

One doctor suggested that he used a sex enhancer. That did not help at all. My husband would do anything to satisfy me. Some of the things I felt, I enjoyed. But I missed having a penis in me so I started to cheat and I have not been able to stop.

Pastor, I don't want to stop loving this man because I consider him my second husband.

One day I came home very late and I could see that my husband was annoyed. He asked me why I was coming home so late and I had to lie to him.

That very night when we were in bed, he asked me if I was seeing someone else. I had to pretend that I was shocked at his question. He apologised and I hugged him, after which we did our usual and he fell asleep.

We don't have children and live in a lovely home with four bedrooms and a helper's quarter. I am still employed but my husband is not. He has been asking me to take one of his younger sister's children but I am resisting it because I would prefer to have our own child running around our house, and that would not solve the problem we are having as husband and wife.

Do you think I should tell him to give me permission to have sex so I don't always have to be wondering if he will find out what I am doing, and for it to cause a rift in the marriage?

I am looking forward to reading your advice. My husband is 78 and I am 41.

H.A

Dear H.A,

You are too bright. In fact, you are wicked. Why can't you have respect for your husband? You are expecting too much from your husband. At 78, he is trying but his medical condition impedes him from doing all you would want him to. I to understand that when both of you were courting, you did not realise this man had certain problems?

You have got away with infidelity for a long time. I believe your husband is becoming suspicious of what you are doing. What you should have done when you realised your husband's condition was getting worse was to accompany him to urologist and, perhaps to a sex therapist. That way, you would have been able to get suggestions and advice for both of you.

You are thinking about telling your husband about your extramarital affairs and hoping he will give you permission to continue. That is a big risk to take. Others have done so and have had to leave their homes and partners. Why should a man give his wife permission to sleep with another man?

Don't misunderstand me, some men have done so but these men did not love their wives. They were at the place where they didn't care what these women did and these women meant nothing to them. The men consider them trash. However, if you believe your husband does not care anymore about the relationship, and you have made up your mind to leave him, then you can do whatever you wish.

I believe you are in this relationship with your husband because he is in a position to pay all your bills. I know you have sexual needs I do not believe that you love your husband. You are not doing anything to please this man. You are a selfish woman. You should have been glad when he suggested that both of you adopt a child. You said no because you want enough time to do your thing out there with the man you consider to be your second husband, and the child may tie you down.

Pastor