Dear Pastor,

I am writing you this letter and hoping to get an answer from you. I am 22 years old and I have a boyfriend. He is very kind and helpful to me. When I met him I was not going to school so I pledged to him that I would be true to him and that I would not have sex with other men, as I had started to do. When I left high school and I wanted to have nice things I started to have sex with other guys.

When I met him I wasn't serious about him. I just wanted his money. I can remember telling him how I wanted an outfit for the Christmas and he bought it for me and gave me $23,000 to spend on myself and to help my mother. He told me that he just broke up with his girlfriend and he was going to give her a part of his bonus but she didn't deserve it so he gave it to me. I didn't tell him that I was having sex with a few guys for money but I knew he suspected. He cautioned me and told me that if I keep him alone he would help me, and that is what I have done to this very day.

He is 35 years old and he has two children. One day I was at his house and he was working on his car outside and he sent me into his room and I saw his diary. And after giving him what he wanted I went back into his room and looked at his diary and I saw that every time we had sex he wrote it down. I was so surprised that he would do that. But that was not the only thing that he did, he also wrote down the times I was having my period. I didn't know that a man would do that. I was tempted to ask him but I didn't.

I asked an elderly man who is my godfather if men keep track of women when they are having their period and if they write down when they had sex with them. He said he never did it but if a man believes his woman might be having sex with another man he might write it down so that she cannot give him 'jacket'.

Until now my boyfriend doesn't know that I saw the diary. I respect him to the max. We don't talk about marriage because he says it would take him a long time for him to decide to do that and we must just try to love each other, and he tells me all the time I am too young to think about marriage. Pastor, I know I am not too young.

My parents love him so much, especially my father. He calls him his son. Do you think I should let him know that I know that he writes down everything? I am looking for your advice in the Star.

M.E

Dear M.E.,

First of all, let me suggest that you keep your mouth shut. Men do not like women who search. And if you were to tell him that you searched his diary you may see a side of him that you have never seen before. So, I repeat, keep your mouth shut. This man keeps a record of everything. Perhaps his experiences in the past with women have caused him to be very cautious. He knows that some women lie all the time, especially those who are promiscuous.

Your godfather is right. Women lie on men all the time. Some do not lie wilfully but because they have been having sex with more than one man and they get pregnant they do not know who fathered the child. So, they name one of the men with whom they had sex, hoping that they would mention the right man. I consider you very fortunate.

A word of caution to you is necessary, don't disappoint this man. He said that he is not interested in getting married now. That does not mean that he wouldn't change his mind if you behave as a lady and he sees that he can trust you. However, do not push him because if you do, you are likely to lose him. Make sure you go to church and stay true to him.

Pastor