Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old woman. I have been dating a man who is almost twice my age, 40 to be exact, since I was 16. We started hanging out a lot and I have grown to love him. He treats me well. He is someone that I can tell anything. I can be myself around him and he gives the best advice. He allowed me to date other guys and said that I should find someone who is genuine and treats me better than he does. I did so and found a guy who is 27. He is great, but he is not working. He also met my family and my family loves him. We've been dating for about six months now. Our relationship has its ups and downs. I am getting to love this guy also. I do not spend a lot of time with the 27-year-old. We only see each other on Saturdays when I have classes or sometimes on Sundays when I ask him to come to church or to come to my house.

My problem is that I want someone who can take care of me and I don't think he can manage that, because he is not working and he is unable to get a job even though he is looking. The 40-year-old takes care of me. He gives me almost anything I ask for. He doesn't work much, but he sees to it that I am ok. I really want to make a choice between these two men which I genuinely have feelings for.

I want to stop seeing the 40-year-old and start getting serious with the 27-year-old guy, but when I sit and think about it, I really can't do without the 40-year-old. We have been together for so long and we have great chemistry together. The connection we have is so strong, but I want to be with someone within my age group who I could start a family with, which I see in the 27-year-old, but he just needs a job. I am praying for him to get a job soon. What do you think I should do? I care for both of them.

S. L

Dear S.L.,

This 40-year-old man is looking far into the future. He suspects that you will not be faithful to him, so he told you to look around for another guy. That you have done and you are now moving with the 27-year-old man. You got a man who is within your age group but is much poorer than your 40-year old lover. So your problems have become greater because the 40-year-old man can help you financially, but the 27-year-old guy cannot.

I don't know whether or not the 27-year-old man knows that you have another guy in your life, but perhaps the older man knows. You have not said whether or not you told him that you have met a younger man. You are in a dilemma. You want the 40-year-old man's help, but at the same time you like the younger man. If these guys know of each other, they will not fully trust you. Make up your mind and end the relationship with one. That's my suggestion to you. I refuse to tell you which one to chose. It is possible to love both of these men but you would love one more than the other.

Pastor