Donkey years ago, after I had come out on the bitter losing end of yet another bruising, one-sided fight in my primary school days, an older child, probably tired of seeing me getting beat up, offered me some useful self-defence advice. He said: "If yu really waan fi win di fight, yu haffi learn fi kick, buck and bite".

That advice never served me much though. No man, I never really got to put it to any use, due to the fact that I developed two survival strategies of my own that saw me almost totally avoiding fights. Strategy number one says: if you make people happy and keep them laughing, they will have little or no reason to want to fight you. And strategy number two says: if strategy number one doesn't work and people still seem intent on 'bussing your ass', either run fast and bawl fi help or stand firm and beg fi mercy.

Yeah man, dat definitely seemed more workable for me than the 'kick, buck and bite' approach. Especially the bite part! You see, I already knew how to kick and buck and those skills weren't saving me from the regular beat ups. And, frankly, I was just not prepared to add biting to my repertoire. That kinda sound noble don't it? Right!

Well, sorry to disappoint anybody who said yes, because my aversion to biting isn't due to any noble or honourable reason. I just don't eat raw meat and I don't have any desire to experience the taste of human flesh. But more importantly, if I have to eat any form of meat, then I have to be convinced that such meat has been thoroughly washed and properly cooked first. So I refuse to drop my clean-clean teeth inna people sweaty skin.

Well look here nuh peeps, it looks like somebody must have given the 'kick, buck and bite' instructions to Luis Suarez who's representing Uruguay in the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil, and he doesn't share my dietary peculiarities. Yeah man, either that or maybe he has a serious cannibalistic or vampire streak in him, because that is one big man who seems to love biting people.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing during that Group D match between Italy and Uruguay yesterday.

He made sure the referee wasn't looking when he did it, but maybe Suarez forgot about the millions of other people watching from every corner of the globe, when he bit into the soft part of Italy's Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder like it was a cheap burger. That was beyond crazy!

According to my sources, 'Chivito' is the name of a sandwich-style national dish in Uruguay, and consists primarily of a thin slice of filet mignon, with mozzarella, tomatoes, mayonnaise, black or green olives, and commonly also bacon, fried or hard-boiled eggs and ham. Well, mi nuh know; I thought maybe the heat and excitement of the World Cup moment rendered him temporarily insane and Suarez mistook Chiellini for a 'Chivito'. But I'm learning that he's not a first offender.

Yes friends, biting opponents appear to be Suarez's thing. He already earned a seven-match ban in 2010 for biting another player Otman Bakkal in the Eredivisie - the top league for professional football in The Netherlands. More recently, he was slapped with a 10-match ban, last year, for biting Chelsea's Branislav Ivanovic during an English Premier League match.

Trust me folks, this is certainly turning out to be a memorable World Cup. I expected the excitement and drama I even expected some fighting. Naturally, I also expected nuff kicking and bucking, but Jah know star, mi never expect di biting!

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