Dear Pastor,

I have a problem and I am seeking some advice. I have been living with a man for the past five years. I am 34 years old and he is 60. After we were living together and the relationship reached a year, I realised that he started acting as if he is still a child. I fell asleep in my daughter's room one night and, in the morning, he told me that I should take my stuff out of his room. When I refused, he took them out himself and took them to my daughter's room.

One morning, I woke up and made breakfast and told him that his was on the table and he said I should not be sorry for him. I cooked in the evening and it was the same response. I left and went to town and, when I got home, he pulled down the curtains I bought from the window and put the ones that he bought there. He packed all the furniture in the house on top of each other, and I still stayed because I have nowhere else to go. He turned off the water and the light on me. He doesn't provide food and constantly accuses me of having a man, which I don't have. If I have to go to the doctor, and ask him for money, he quarrels with me.

He was married before and his wife died. His son also died in a car accident. The son was his only child, so he was alone for several years. Women just came and go. I am the only one who has stayed with him for so long. I keep saying God knows the reason why he took his family from him. He is dangerous and I still do everything for him. I wash, clean and cook even though I know he's not going to eat it. If he goes to work, I still look after his cattle because he comes home late.

One day, he claimed that he had changed his dirty attitude, so we got back together. I decided to walk with the Lord. When I mentioned it to him, he agreed to get married after the pastor of the church spoke to him. Soon after, I realised that he was not talking to me again, so I told him that the pastor was coming to talk to us. He quarrelled and stopped eating from me again.

I am still living with him and still holding on until the Good Lord decides to move me. Please put me in your prayers.

Unnamed

Dear Unnamed,

This man does not want you, so you shouldn't fool yourself by thinking that he will marry you. He has no intention of getting married to you. He wants you to go. He has done everything to get that message to you, but you are not reading the message and the longer you stay in that house is the more you will suffer abuse.

I understand why you believe that you ought to stay. You say that you don't have anywhere to go. You might be better off putting an ad in the newspaper to work as a live-in helper and anyone who is interested in hiring you, let them know that you have a child and you would beg them to allow the child to stay with you. Such arrangements can be made upfront with a person who has a small family. You should be able to ask your relatives to keep your daughter for you while you provide groceries etc. for her.

You say you have been attending church. Perhaps you should talk to the pastor of the church and his wife and ask them to see what can be done to help you to find a place to live.

Pastor