Dear Pastor,

I am a 29-year-old woman with two children, ages 13 and 9. My partner is 25. We are planning on getting married in a few months. He is an excellent father to my kids. I would consider myself a single parent because both fathers are doing next to nothing for the children, but my husband-to-be takes over that responsibility voluntarily.

I am having a few problems. I have been through so much abuse in my life. At one point I was a prostitute on the streets of New Kingston. I had to resort to that when my youngest child was about two months and I had no money to buy pampers or tin feeding for her, and my son was crying because he was hungry. I had no family that would help me because my family members are judgmental. My mom was in the States and she never rendered any kind of support because her husband came first and he didn't like me.

I was a prostitute for about eight years on and off. I only went out there when I was desperate. I couldn't get a job that would be enough to feed my kids, send them to school, pay rent and day care. But in my fifth year as a prostitute, I started saving my money and went back to school where I did five subjects in two years and passed all of them.

Now, pastor, my daughter's father used to beat me 2-3 times per week for any little thing. He would want to carry women into the house and then beat me to leave. He wanted to send my son out to buy weed and cigarettes. I always objected and stood up for my son. I knew he was going to beat me but I had to defend my son.

Seemingly, God spoke to my mom and she decided that I could go to her house and leave that man's house, but her house was still under construction. I went anyway, and went to New Kingston so that I could get money to finish up my section of the house. I met my fiancé and he didn't know what I was doing but he always poured love on me and my kids. I never went back to New Kingston. It has been two years now. This man pays my bills and takes excellent care of my kids with the little he earns. I told him that I don't need a man because they are only good for giving problems. I only agreed to have sex with him because I thought that's all he wanted then he would leave me alone but he said he will not leave me and I can get miserable all I want he will still love me.

He has now become the man of my house and has earned his right to be called a real man. I have never cheated on him because I have no need to. But I am scared to love him. He is an excellent father, provider and also good in bed. My family loves him and his family also loves me, but I am still scared because I just think that one day he will start ill-treating me and history will repeat itself.

I am now employed and I love my job. I am thinking of giving him a child but I don't want to raise three children by myself if having only two caused me to become a prostitute. I told him that if I should get pregnant he would have to sign a contract stating that he is fully responsible for his child, and failure to fulfil his financial obligation gives me the right to sue him. He agreed! My children just adore him. They call him daddy but I am just scared of what might happen if I get too comfortable with him.

I am planning to attend UTech next year to become a registered nurse so that I can have a career to better take care of my children. My son wishes to become a pilot and I will be there for him, unlike my parents. Pastor, I await your fatherly advice.

Former Prostitute

Dear Former Prostitute,

I have often said that people should not condemn others for the things that they have done because they do not know why they were forced to do them. You had your back to the wall, so to speak. You considered there was no other way to get money to feed your children so you turned to prostitution. One of the men who fathered a child with you abused you constantly and at the same time did not give you any money.

I know some folks would say that you had no ambition but they are wrong. It is ambition that has caused you to go back to school and to pass the subjects you took. You were fortunate to meet a good man while you were a prostitute. He has proven to be a real man. I could understand your fears. Although this man has been good to you and your children, you find it difficult to be totally committed to him. He does not know your background and I am not suggesting that you tell him either. Take good care of him. He is taking good care of you and the children. Keep focused. Your desire to become a nurse would be realised. My prayers are with you.

Pastor