Dear Pastor,

I am the mother of two girl children. They are both in their 20s. One of them doesn't live at home. Her job has caused her to be living away from home. She is a decent young lady. I have not been able to work because I am sick. I suffered a stroke and I am still recovering. My daughter who is not at home supports me every month. Sometimes I have to tell her not to worry to send me any money because I am alright. She is now engaged to a wonderful man from a nice family. Both of them do the same type of work and both of them are ambitious.

This girl has saved her money. She doesn't sport a lot and she is active in her church. Their father died five years ago, but, pastor, my other daughter is a pain to my heart. She hides and does things that I don't like. She brings men into my house. If she had one man friend it wouldn't look so bad, but she brings different ones and sometimes I can hear them carrying on with their antics.

I spoke to her calmly. She said that she doesn't want to be disrespectful to me, but sometimes she feels for sex and it is better to bring them home than to go with them to a whorehouse. I asked her why she can't stay with one man and she said she has to try them out. I told her that I didn't have to try out her father and she said her father was always a good man, but you can barely trust these men.

I am worried about what the people in the neighbourhood would say when they see different men coming to the house. Sometimes the guys sleep over. Her sister spoke to her about the life she is living, but I told her sister that I want them to live lovingly and not fight over what she is doing. She is such a pretty girl, much prettier than her sister who is engaged.

I am a very unhappy mother because of the life she is living. Apart from bringing men and sleeping with them, I don't have any problem with her. When she is at work she calls me to find out how I am doing, but on weekends I don't know who is coming to look for her. She promised me that she is going to try to find one man, but it is going to take time.

B.C

Dear B.C.,

You are upset with the daughter who brings and sleeps with different men at your house. You wish that she would only have one guy. I do not believe that this young woman has no respect for you. I believe that she sees herself as a grown woman who should be allowed to make her own decisions and choose her male friends and whether she would want them to sleep with her. To many, that is being disrespectful, but she doesn't see it that way.

I suppose that your daughter would rather stay at home and take care of you instead of going out at nights to be with her boyfriends. Therefore, she believes that it would be better to bring the men home. Although you do not like what is going on, I am going to beg you to try your very best to keep calm. What your daughter is doing will not be forever.

All children are not the same. Your daughter who is living out of town hasn't been promiscuous as far as you know, but don't compare her with the one who is living at home. I wish you well. Keep calm. Love your daughters the same whether or not you appreciate what they are doing.

Pastor