Dear Pastor,

I am only 18. I am still living with my parents. I am working part time. I am also going to the University of the West Indies, but I am not studying what my parents think I am studying. My parents do not know what I am doing because I don't tell them. I don't know how to tell them. They are easy to talk to, but I don't want to hurt their feelings. I am also sexually active with a man who is 50. He took my virginity when I was 17, which was last year.

My boyfriend dumped me because I didn't allow him to take my virginity, so I went to a bar in the Papine area and got really drunk. For some strange reason, I made a pass at an overweight man, who looked like a very fat Chinese wrestler. I got turned on and he took me in his car to a place up in the hills. He told me to go to the back seat of the car, and I told him no. He started to take off his clothes and mine. Then he started to have sex with me and I felt his penis at my back. He told me that I should never get drunk. I tried to push him off, but he told me that he would pay me any amount of money just to put up with him.

It was hell! His penis was very large. He was holding me very tight. I could not stand it. It was very painful for me, but he wouldn't stop. He told me he was trying to be gentle, but I was making it very hard for him.

The next thing I knew is that I woke up in his bed and in his house. When I woke up, I was in pain and I fell back into the bed. He said if I didn't fight him, I would not be in pain, so he told me that he wanted to have sex with me again to try to ease the pain and I should not try to fight him back because he was not a rapist and he would pay me more money.

He was now on top of me and a photo caught my eye. It was the photograph of my parents. I asked him if he knew my parents, and he said they had been his good friends for 19 years. I never knew that this man knew my parents.

T.R.

Dear T.R.,

Let me begin by saying to you that you should not try to fool your parents. You entered university to pursue a particular degree and you changed. You should have told your parents what you were doing. It seems to me that something went wrong between your boyfriend and you. You told him that you were not willing to give up your virginity, but then you went drinking and you got into trouble. You were flirting and this oversize man took you on and took you to a place you did not even know and sexually abused you. You were not strong enough to resist him, and by the time he had satisfied himself, you were asleep. You woke up in his bed and he had sex with you again. That man is a beast!

What he did was wrong. No man should take advantage of a woman when she is intoxicated. Good men don't do that. This man promised you money if you would keep quiet and not fight him, but who can fight a beast? You didn't state how much he gave you, but no money can compensate for the awful experience you had.

I hope that in the future you will not go drinking when you are faced with problems. I will not condemn you because I do not believe that you are a bad girl. You allowed yourself to get drunk and someone who should know better abused you, and you will never forget the unfortunate experience. Next time when you have problems, seek the help of a family counsellor.

Pastor