Dear Pastor,

This is my first letter to you. I am writing you because I have a problem. When I was very young my father and mother couldn't get along. I remember hearing my father saying to my mother, "I want to live in peace and serve God. You are not a peaceful woman, so take anything you want and get out of here". My mother was always telling my father bad words, and my older brother took side with my father. He was always telling my mother that she was wrong, but my mother would not stop.

One day my father told her that he would help her to pack and she can go and stay with her man, and he called the man's name. My mother told him that what the man can do, he could not do and that started a fight between her and my father. My mother began to cry and neighbours came and took away my father and begged him to leave so he left the house for three months. My mother then moved out because the house belonged to an aunt who told my mother she had to leave. My mother took me with her but I ran away and went back to live with my father.

Where my mother took us, everyone was sleeping in one room. There was no privacy. For the first time, I saw my mother and the man having sex. They thought I was sleeping but I wasn't. I even heard my mother groaning so, it was after seeing that, I ran away and went to stay with my father. She came back for me but my father wouldn't allow her to take me because I told him what I heard and saw. When she came my father reprimanded her properly and told her that she shouldn't have made me see that.

My father did not live with anybody else. He told me that he did not want any woman to come and ill-treat us. So, pastor, from an early age I learnt to do everything except wash my father's heavy clothes. The day worker did that.

I did not go to see my mother because she did not like me because of what I had told my father that I saw. This man and my mother broke up. He accused her of having another man with him. My mother said it was not true but pastor, it is true because my mother always loved money. She has a bank book and every week she puts money in the bank. My brother told me it was the man who gives her money every week.

My mother always had sweethearts and when she was with my father she had her boyfriend on the side. People say that I am not my father's child but my father says I belong to him and even though it might not be so, he loves me and I am his. If I am not my father's child I would like to know who is my real father. I tried to ask my mother about it and she ran me away. She said that that does not matter. My father said that I should not worry because everything he has will go to my brother and me.

Do you think I should try and find my biological father? I am awaiting your advice. I am now 18. I don't have a boyfriend. My brother is 20.

N.W

Dear N.W.,

You do not know any other father but this man. Therefore I suggest that you accept him and don't do anything about it unless your mother tells you otherwise. And she should be able to tell you who he is. If she was such a promiscuous person she is probably not sure who is your biological father. But I repeat, accept the man who has treated you very well and with whom you live.

You mother does not seem to be very ambitious or careful. She is not progressive at all and she has not set a good example for you and your brother to follow. However, she is still your mother and try to have a good relationship with her. I wish you well. Make sure you study hard and become a professional.

Pastor