Dear Pastor,

I am 29. I got married six years ago. My husband and I have two children together and I had one before. After we got married, my husband went abroad. His father had filed for him. He told me that as soon as he settled down, he would file for all of us to join him in America.

After one year had passed, he didn't say anything about the filing. I asked him about it and he told me that the lawyer said that he couldn't file for the oldest child. I told him that I wanted everybody to be together, and he said that he would talk to the lawyer again. Every time he called or I called we talked about it. Then I noticed that his calls became fewer and fewer and he wasn't sending money to me as often. I found out through friends that he was living with a woman.

One night I called his number and a woman answered. She asked me who I was, and I told her that I was the wife of this man. She said to me that he was now living with her and he did not need me again, so I should try and find a new man.

I could not believe what I was hearing, so when I gained my composure, I called again, and the woman said to me, "I told you that he does not need you again. don't you understand English?"

That night, I could not sleep. How could my husband leave me in Jamaica after all these years and pick up a woman he didn't know.

I complained to his brother, and his brother and I became very close to the point where we almost had sex. I had to stop him from coming to the house.

I found solace in the arms of my first child's father. We had remained friends. He supported me although he had another woman, and what I thought would never happen after meeting my husband, happened. He bought me groceries every week and my first son was very happy to see his daddy around the house. He took the children out. One day I got a letter from my husband telling me that he was divorcing me so I should sign the papers. I did not sign them, but another document I got from a lawyer told me that whether I signed them or not, I could stop the divorce from going through.

Now, pastor, I have a problem because my first child's father wants to marry me, but my brother, who is a pastor, told me that if I marry him, I would be living in sin because my husband who left me and went to live in America is still alive. Please tell me what to do.

B.W.

Dear B.W.,

Your husband has not treated you well. He got mixed up with another woman in America as so many married men have done. But even if he felt that he did not want the relationship anymore, he could have treated you better and he should not have allowed his woman to verbally abuse you. He is indeed a very silly man. He has failed to support his children and his brother took advantage of that and almost had sex with you. I commend you for not yielding to his sexual advances. Although he was helping you, his motives were not pure.

Your old boyfriend jumped in and has been supporting you, and your children. Now that your husband has divorced you, he wants to marry you. Evidently, you are quite willing to do so. Under the circumstances, I see no reason why you should not marry him. I know many people would not agree with me. You are a divorced woman. He didn't divorce you because you were unfaithful to him. Therefore, I suggest that you go ahead and remarry.

Pastor