When it comes to sex, there seems to be a big divide between what individuals expect and what they do. How do you determine your expectations of your partner?

Honestly, the fantasies that some people have made up in their minds are simply impossible to make into reality. Between the stories told to them by their friends, scenes from a romantic comedy and even porn; reconciling expectations with reality shouldn't be attempted. Men and women have their own individual expectations but it's safe to highlight a few popular ones that most can relate to:

- oral sex

While going down is still taboo for some persons, others require it. There are individuals who state very clearly that if their partner does not perform oral sex, that's a deal breaker.

- tightness

Dancehall has made it very clear that "tightness" is important. As a matter of fact, the needle eye has been used to describe how tight a woman's vagina should be. Honestly, the degree of tightness is variable and completely dependent on the individual.

- sexual knowledge

Most women expect their men to know exactly how to please them. Some women believe that if he can't please her, he's worthless. This is an unreasonable expectation since no man knows how to please every single woman. She must participate and help him please her.

- emotional connection

Most persons believe that women are more emotional than men and that she must connect with him on that level before she gets sexual with him. The truth is, women are just as capable of having meaningless sex as men are. Some men actually need the emotional connection before having sex with any woman.

- stamina

Long distance stulla, bedroom bully - it is clear that men want to have marathons when it comes to sex. They think the longer they go, the better it is. This is one of the areas where the expectations don't match the reality.

- freakiness

The word "freak" is being thrown around a lot now, more than ever. When it comes to being sexually adventurous, more people are going outside of the norm for their sexy fun. How far you go is completely up to you, but some persons are more shy than others.

- champion bubbla

At a party, girls dance - bubble, split, gyrate, jiggle, bounce - various kinds of acrobatic movements. Men watch these movements and expect her to behave the same way, during sex. Unfortunately, it does not always work out that way, which turns out to be a great disappointment.

- easy

Based on how she dresses, a man might assume that she is easy, so he expects her to have sex with him right away. When she is not willing to do that, he's usually very unhappy.

The more I examine expectations versus reality, the more disappointments I have observed. The good news is that this can be fixed if individuals communicate their expectations to their partners.

I find that it also helps if you choose someone who you share most interests with. That way you can build on your similarities. Just remember that communication is important to the success of every relationship. So ensure that you and your partner are on the same page. Have fun and stay sexy.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexyann or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy

Question

Dear Dr Sexy

I'm interested in trying toys but my man is not. He thinks I'm trying to replace him but that's not it. I'm just curious and want to experience an orgasm. My friend has one and she said that's how she had her first orgasm. Please help me.

Pat, Spanish Town

Dear Keisha,

The first thing I would say about is toys is that you should find one that you are comfortable with. The great thing about toys is that there is something for everyone, even you. Find something that you can use together with your man. Try something like a vibrating cock ring. He will be more open if he is included.

Dr Sexy