Dear Pastor,

My children's father died and I married a long-standing family friend. I brought him into the house and did not know he was a paedophile. I am so ashamed at the outcome that I have tried to take my life.

I am ashamed to have brought this great Jamaican, with the biggest name, into our house. He frightened the four little boys so much that, as soon as they were able, they did not want to come home.

Two of them found friends that offered them drugs. They could not fight him. When I tried to protect them by having them, lock their room doors, it seemed to have been too late.

Pastor, I died when I went to Baltimore and the children's uncle, a medical doctor, told me how the 12-year-old told him how night after night he would wake up to find the big man's genitals in his face.

I covered my face with shame because my children never told me. I am guilty of stupidity and two of my sons blame me for their now very negative lives.

"You brought a monster into our house," they accused me. It used to be a good, loving house.

Although they went to the best city schools and university in America, they have not done well and I cannot stop blaming myself.

Why was I so weak that I did not see this man was gay and a known paedophile, coming from the boys' boarding school he headed? Why did his friends and associates encourage me to marry him and nobody warned me that he wanted entry into my house.

I am a Christian, university-trained graduate teacher and I kick myself for being such a fool. Everyday I die. I asked my sons to forgive me. I asked God to forgive me, but I cover my face with shame and, sometimes do not want to go out.

The monster died seven years ago and I helped to look after him to his death. My youngest son is 44 and now very ill but I wanted to tell you about the secrets in the home and how friends and family cover up for these very popular men in our society.

I hope you can deal with this topic one night and help children to tell what is happening to them. They never told me, but they accused me of knowing and not protecting them from the monster, as they called him.

Can you imagine how frightened my children were? May God forgive me for what I have done.

V.C

Dear V.C.,

Don't be too hard on yourself. I know it is going to be difficult for you not to do so, but those who knew this man and of his reputation, if truly your friends, they should have told you. Your children were old enough to tell you what was going on. They should have resisted this man, but I suppose they were afraid to tell you. I trust they will forgive you for whatever mistake you have made and pray the family will become closer. My prayers are with you.

Pastor