Dear Pastor,

I want to say thanks for advice you have given me. I am 35 and a Christian. I am in love with a church brother who is 73. We have been good friends for two years and kept our friendship on the 'down low', but he has been helping me quietly, I have grown to love him. Without a doubt, he loves me.

This man is fit and strong. He exercises every day and watches what he eats. He was married but his wife passed four years ago. He has his own home and told me he doesn't owe anybody anything. He is a pensioner but does farming to keep himself active.

Our pastor is a young man and not married. I know he loves me but I told him I was taken. He asked who was the lucky guy, but I did not tell him. What am I to do? My pastor doesn't have a marriage licence, but if this man and I are getting married we would have to tell him.

My relatives said it is time for us to let everybody know we are in love and afterwards get married quietly.

He has a son and two homes. He plans to give his son the house in which he is now living, and give me the other house.

I asked him why and he said his son spent a part of his life living in the matrimonial home so, by right, he should get it. His son is older than I am. He lives abroad. He is a Christian. Whenever he comes to Jamaica, he attends our church because he was baptised there. I was concerned about whether this man could have sex, but he can.

What should we do? Should we tell the church we are in love and are planning to get married, or get married and tell the church? How would our pastor, who is much younger, counsel us? Remember, I said he loves me. I know that for sure. We are looking for your help.

L.E

Dear L.E.,

I cannot tell you not to marry this man. You said you are in love. Your pastor, a single man, is showing interest in you, but you are not interested because your heart is with this older man. Some may say you are only saying you love this man because of what you can get from him. I am sure you would say they are wrong.

This man is more than twice your age and you, I am sure, have considered that. You said he is strong and in good health, so you are not concerned about his health. I hope he will continue to enjoy good health for many years. However, if you were to marry this man, be prepared, at anytime, to become his nurse.

Frankly, if you were to marry him, it would be nobody's business but your own. It is not their business. Others will comment privately but it is not their business. Evidently, you are not interested in having children. If you were, you would bear in mind you have to support children on your own, unless you expect this man to live to 100.

If you decide to get married, kindly make an appointment to see a family counsellor. You should inform your minister and ask him not to say anything about the relationship, until you have given permission to do so.

From what you have said, you wouldn't have to worry about his ability to take care of you. Nevertheless, I give you a word of caution. If you are not employed, get yourself a job and go to school in the evenings. You cannot predict the future and should always be in a position to support yourself.

Pastor