Dear Pastor,

I am married but I am having problems with my wife. We are coming from far. I used to provide everything for the house when she was not working. I got laid off because the company ran into trouble. All the workers were told that the business is not closed permanently so we should hold strain until the business reopens.

Fortunately, my wife got a job and from the time she got the job she is a changed woman. She talks to me any how and comes home any hour of the evening. One Friday night, she came home so late and I was upset and I asked her why she came in so late. She told me she went out with her man because of what he could give her and I couldn't. I was upset and I slapped her and we started to fight; the children had to part us.

I am sorry I slapped her, but when I think of my wife not having respect for me and to say she went out with her man, right before the children, I couldn't take it. Pastor, I had suspected that my wife is having an affair but I couldn't prove it. Her brother came by a few days after and I told him what happened and he asked her if she has another man and she said, "Brother, you shouldn't ask me that question, it is none of your business".

I could see that she is planning to move out. And the children told me that she is going to leave me and take them with her. We have two girls and one boy. The boy said he is not going and one of the girls said that she is not going, but I told the girls that they should go with her. All the money I had in the bank is used up.

I understand that the man she has is working at the same place with her and he is her supervisor. We don't sleep together again. She sleeps with the girls. It has been over nine months now since we last had sex. I asked her for sex and she told me where I can go to get it.

I have a visa and my relatives are encouraging me to come and visit them but I don't want to, leave my children. I told her that we should go for counselling but she is not interested.

Please tell me what to do.

E.M.

Dear E.M.,

I am sorry that you slapped your wife. I know that you were angry and you, felt that she was being disrespectful to you, but try your best never to hit your woman. I would tell you, though, that your wife was looking for an opportunity to tell you that she was planning to leave you. You have mentioned the type of work that she is doing. She feels at the moment that she can do without you. To put it frankly, she is riding high and showing off on you. You have become the sufferer and she can get what- ever she wants from her workplace and from her new man, including sex.

She is not interested in getting professional help; therefore, if your relatives abroad can get you a work permit, you should definitely consider moving on. However, you should remember to do your best to support your children while you are away.

Pastor