Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and having a problem. I am living with my grandparents and going to school. I don't know my father but I know my mother. I don't see my mother very often because she has a live-in job and when she gets her weekend off sometimes she doesn't bother to travel. She stays at the workplace so that she can save money to help me. I have been trying to be a good girl but sometimes my grandmother accuses me of things that I have not done. I love my grandmother but she is 77 years old and miserable. We get along sometimes well. She said that she is trying to lead me in the right way.

Sometimes when I put on shorts, she says I should take them off or don't go outside in them because the boys might see me in them. I told her these are the shorts my mother bought for me so nothing is wrong with them. And when I talk to her this way, she tells me that my mother should come for me and I could wear them at her house because when she was growing up she couldn't wear them. So I only could sleep in my nice shorts.

Pastor, there is this man who is married who asked me to be his girlfriend. I asked him what about his wife and he said that I shouldn't worry about her. He wants a young girl because his penis is becoming dead because he has only one woman. I am getting to like him. He helped me to buy a laptop which my mother could not afford. I got some of the money from my cousin abroad and this man gave me the rest. I told my grandmother that all the money came from my cousin. He also bought me a cell phone because the one my mother gave to me was not working well.

Do you think I should have sex with this man? I have never had sex before but he keeps asking me and he is serious about it. He told me that would be a good birthday gift. My birthday is coming up in June. Pastor, I read your column and listen to your show all the time. Keep up your good work.

N.C

Dear N.C.,

I suggest that you stop taking money from this married man who told you that he loves you. If you continue to take money from him, it will cost you. Already he is asking you to have sex with him. He is softening you up so that you would have no reason to object to having sex with him.

I am sure your grandmother would be very unhappy if you were to get closer to this man. Right now, she is unaware of the type of relationship both of you are having. Please tell this man to stay with his wife and leave you alone. You shouldn't have taken the money and the cell phone.

You might consider your grandmother miserable but she loves you and wants the best for you. Perhaps she goes a little overboard but you have to remember that in her days, she didn't dress that way, so she believes that it is inappropriate for you to wear very short shorts. I hope you are doing well in school. Concentrate on your schoolwork. And I repeat, don't get sexually involved with this married man.

Pastor