Dear Pastor,

I must congratulate you on your marvellous work. I am having an issue which I am depressed about. I am with a guy for two years who I love dearly. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I would give my life for him if it comes to the test. My problem is that this guy shows that he loves me at times and other times he treats me like dirt.

I have quite a few 'friend turn enemies' because of him. I have had quite a few arguments with females because of him. He cheats with them and they blow it up in my face. When I asked him about them, he denied it. He says I lie a lot when it seems as if he wrote the book of lies. The issues of his name being called with females have stopped, but he still depresses me. He is very jealous, as I am myself, but I have nothing hiding from him.

Last year December his family flew out and he was home alone at nights for quite some time. Normally he would have me over. I didn't get to spend a night there, which raised my suspicions. He started avoiding me for some time and was cheating and lying about it which, regretfully, led me to cheating with one of his friends. The friend made it known and we had a dispute over it especially because I didn't come clean about it. It was the first time I've ever cheated or had any other guy with him.

Now, he is giving me a hard time. I only see him once a month and he lives within walking distance from me. Before now, he took me nowhere but takes the other girls to parties and so on. It's really depressing because, to tell the truth, I want to be out of the relationship as he doesn't and has not been treating me well from day one. I really and truly love him so I don't want to leave. He has taught me so much, yet hurt me so bad.

I am so in love with this guy and I can't find a way out. My friends and his friends keep telling me to leave, but I really don't want to. Is there some way that you could write words to counsel us both in case he sees this? Please tell me what to do.

He is a great lover, very ambitious and very encouraging. It's just his attitude towards me that stinks. Please advise me as to what to do and please tell me ways in which I can try to win back his trust. Mark you, I don't trust him at all because he doesn't give me a reason to. It's just my dying love that makes me stay. He is my life and my all. I really don't see a future with him but I try to pave one.

Please help me and if you can find a way to help me better my relationship with him instead of telling me to leave, please do. I really want this to work.

Confused

Dear Confused,

Please do not instruct me what I should tell you. It is absurd for you to tell me that I should not tell you to end the relationship with this man. Contrary to what you believe, you have helped to totally destroy the relationship with this man. You accuse him of cheating and then you did the same, and the man with whom you cheated was his friend. Why would this man consider you a good woman and would want to marry you when you have embarrassed him by going to bed with his friend?

Something must be really wrong with the way you are thinking. If you want to be happy, accept what you have done as wrong. You know the man is a liar but learn this, men don't like their women going toe to toe with them and that's what you did. This relationship will not work. I wish I could say it another way to make you feel comfortable, but I might as well just tell you the raw truth. I will be praying for you.

Pastor