Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for your help and advice. I am 47 and I was living with a woman for over 20 years. We have children together but we separated because of my wildness and she has gone into her church. She said she would come back to me but I have to decide to change. I have decided to change. I will stop running around but I am not ready to go into church, especially the type of church she has joined. The people there just want to know all her business and why we are not together. I want to go back to my old-time church where nobody talks your business. I don't want any pastor to throw words at me and that is how I feel when I go to her church.

Another problem I have is that I have two children outside who this woman doesn't know about and one of them is only two years old. I still have to take care of the mother of the two year old. She is not working so I pay her rent and I can't walk away from her. All the children who I have with the woman that I was living with are with me and they go to different churches. I would like their mother to come back and I promise that I would stop running around.

I am taking a chance by mentioning about the two little children who I have that she doesn't know about. Now she is going to know because she always reads your column. That is the main reason why she buys the Star. If she sees it and calls me and we can reason, it will be easier for me.

I am also wondering whether I should also tell her about the children and if she wants to come back she can. If she wants to stay by herself, that is up to her. If she doesn't come back I am going to have to find another woman and settle down with because I can't do without a woman in my life and I do not like to sleep alone.

K.M

Dear K.M.,

After a man and a woman have been living together for over 20 years and the woman wants to get married and the man is not willing to do so, she is quite right to leave him. You are fortunate that this woman had stayed so long with you and now you are using the excuse of not wanting to join her church. You don't have to join her church. What you have to do is to marry the woman and let her feel comfortable in her church and no one will be able to accuse her of 'living in sin'.

If you don't want to become a member of her church, nobody should force you. Having said the above, I know that the church might tell her that she should not marry you because you are a sinner and both of you would be unequally yoked. If the matter of unequally yoked is brought to the fore, both of you should come to see me and I would gladly officiate at your wedding because consideration must be given to the fact that both of you have been living together for many years and have children together.

And concerning the children that you have fathered in recent years, I suggest that you tell her about them if she agrees to marry you and return to your home.

Pastor