Dear Pastor,

This is the third time I am writing to you, yet haven't answered any of my letters. I hope you will take time to answer this one. I wrote two years ago and told you I have a boyfriend. I love him very much. I am living with my father. My mother gave me to him when I was three. At that time, he was living at his mother's home and trying to build his own house. My grandmother was responsible for me, but when my father's house was finished my grandmother told him he should take me to live with him.

My father has a female friend and, sometimes, she used to stay with us. My father was always quarrelling and accusing her of having another man, which she denied.

To this day, they are still friends but my father said he will not marry her because he doesn't trust her. I am comfortable living with my father. Sometimes he is a little strict but it is for my own good.

Pastor, there is a guy in the community who loves me and I love him. when I wrote to you two years ago, it was to tell you about him. My father doesn't want me to get involved with any of the guys in the district because he doesn't want them to get me pregnant, and feel they can walk in and walk out of his house. So the guy and I kept our friendship down.

Now that I am 18, he is telling me we should make it known because he wants to take me out and get to know me better. He is even asking me for sex. He has started to come to the church that I attend in the evenings, just to be able to walk home with me. The people in the church are talking about it and I know they will tell my father. He doesn't have a good job. He does days' work for farmers. I have six subjects and I applied to college this year.

Pastor, please tell me what to do. Whatever you say I will agree. Do you believe I should mention this guy to my father?

B.S

Dear B.S.,

I am so glad to hear you are comfortable at home and you have a good father who has supported you very well. Do not do anything that would cause him to feel you have let him down.

Concerning this young man from your district and who loves you, he should remain your friend but you have to be very careful how you handle this relationship. You like each other but he is not making progress in life. You didn't mention his age but he has no education. Perhaps you should encourage him to go back to school.

You see, though your father told you not to become emotionally involved with any man who lives in the district, I am sure if this guy had an education, a good job and was ambitious, your father might have even encouraged friendship. He is only doing days' work for farmers. Few parents who are ambitious and want the very best for their daughter would want her to have an intimate relationship with an uneducated man, who does not have a permanent job.

Very soon you will be in college. In a few years, you will graduate and will be in a position to get a good job. How will you handle him? The guy believes it is time for it to be known that the relationship is special.

I suggest you tell him you prefer to wait until after you have graduated, because you do not know what the future holds. Tell him anything can change while you are in college. In the meantime, tell your father about him. Nothing is wrong in telling him this guy likes you. Your father should be intelligent enough to know that, as a female, guys will admire you. I am sure he will warn you, but assure him that you have not been careless and tell him exactly what you said to the guy.

I apologise for not answering your letter before or the other letters you written. However, I hope to hear from you again. I wish you every success.

Pastor